On a journey...

Amsterdam.

2012-01-30T12:58:00.001-08:00

Friday 27 January 2012

Getting closer to starting a new leg of the journey.

It’s Friday evening. I just had a lovely time with some of my good friends here in Norway having dinner at a vegan restaurant. My meal was an “egg salad” sandwich with no eggs or mayonnaise, yet the flavour was surprisingly like eggs and mayonnaise. I am always pleasantly surprised at how delicious vegan food is (a friend of mine made me a vegan bacon sandwich in Kansas City, which was made with bacon flavoured tofu- sounds weird, but it was very good!).

Good friends. What a blessing they are, and again I feel so rich. Rich because I have such amazing people in my life, in so many different places in the world. Rich, because I have a God who is so committed to connecting me with wonderful people in the places I am sent to.

Monday morning I set off. It seems far off, yet I only really have two days left. This week has been strange. It’s been unsettled, yet like a waiting week where I’ve wanted to make the most of the here and now, yet preparing myself to on to the next....

Monday 30 January 2012

Amsterdam once again.

I’m back in Amsterdam. And this time to make it my home for the next season. It’s strange to be back. I’m sat in my room which is quite empty seeing as it’s unfurnished. Thankfully I get to borrow a temporary bed till I can get one of my own. But it’s a good room. I need to make it my own, but it’s mine and it’s nice. I’m already thinking of small changes I might make... maybe paint a bit, how to put potential furniture into the room... I know I’m going to make it me.

The apartment I live in is right opposite the Oude Kerk in the Red Light District in Amsterdam. It’s nice to have my room at the back of the building as my window is away from the street and probably will be quieter. Although I don’t really feel bothered by noise, I can see it being a nice place to retreat to.

Leaving home (i.e. Norway) is never easy. As I say bye to family I am constantly reminded of living further way. But this time it was a bit hard, yet not as much as before. I am only an hour and a half on the plane away. Of course the whole journey takes longer than that, but in less than 5 hours I’m home which is nice. It also makes it more possible to actually pop home for a weekend even.

Well, started this post earlier today and now it’s time to sleep. It’s been a good and slightly surreal day. Still need to unpack but need to get furniture to unpack into. And there’s other things I need to get in order, but all in due time.

But it’s good to be here. I feel peace and it feels strangely familiar and “normal” to be here. I am here and “it is good and right to be in Amsterdam”.

Amsterdam.

2012-01-30T12:54:00.001-08:00

Friday 27 January 2012

Getting closer to starting a new leg of the journey.

Monday 30 January 2012

Amsterdam once again.

But it’s good to be here. I feel peace and it feels strangely familiar and “normal” to be here. I am here and “it is good and right to be in Amsterdam”.

Amsterdam.

2012-01-30T12:54:00.000-08:00

Friday 27 January 2012

Getting closer to starting a new leg of the journey.

Monday 30 January 2012

Amsterdam once again.

But it’s good to be here. I feel peace and it feels strangely familiar and “normal” to be here. I am here and “it is good and right to be in Amsterdam”.

Three lovely weeks in Kansas City.

2012-01-24T04:01:00.000-08:00

Sunday 22 January 2012

It’s almost 2 am and I am wide awake. I think it’s what you call jet-lag. I arrived back in Norway Thursday afternoon. Somehow when I got up early on Friday morning I thought I’d beaten jet-lag. But that wasn’t the case. This is my second night when I’m wide awake at this hour. Not sure what to do. My brother pointed out that some research had said you can readjust your body one hour each day...so that means it’ll take 7 days for me to get into this time zone. I don’t know. All I know is that I am awake now, and I am bored with trying to sleep.

So I figured, I might as well update my blog, since it’s been a good few weeks, and there is much to tell. As always I blog mostly for myself, and whoever wants to follow my journey. It’s good to have a place to record the twists and turns of life, and realise that no matter how I’m feeling about my journey on any given day, it’s still mine. My journey. My walk. My life. My decisions as I walk it.

I’m sat here in my room. The house is quiet and I am listening to Misty Edwards and David Brymer’s EP- “Measure of Love”. It’s super chilled (relaxing to listen to, and hopefully also sleep-inducing. My aim is to write until I feel sleepy and manage to drift off to sleep). I let my thoughts go back to the Onething conference in Kansas City- 25 000 people joining together to get to know Jesus more; spending time with lovely friends I hadn’t seen for over a year, Higher Grounds coffee, Hope City, my old house and roommates, the prayer room, the Abolition Summit, ice skating, dinner with good friends... so many things to think back on and write about. Good job I have no word-limit as I blog. I can just write my heart out.

Arriving back.

It was so good to be back in KC. In so many ways it seemed like I’d never left. I kept having to remind myself that I really only had 3 weeks and needed to make sure to make the most of them. It was so easy to just slip into the routine of being there, pacing myself as if I was there to run a marathon rather than a sprint.

The Onething conference was great! I didn’t end up going to most of the sessions, I hung out with friends, prayed with people in the healing and prophecy rooms, had coffee and food with people, and saw friends I didn’t expect to see. I felt so loved. It’s strange to get back after being away so long and feel like you still belong, like there’s still room for you.

The prayer room. Oh, it was so lovely to go into the prayer room at the conference. Of course it was slightly different from the normal prayer room, but it was still such a breath of fresh air. I remember the first time I went in. I’d taken the shuttle from the IHOPU campus close to where I was staying, and instead of heading to registration when I arrived at Bartle Hall, I chose to go to the prayer room. I walked in and sat down. And felt like I could truly breathe spiritually. It was a strange feeling. It was as if I’d come “home”, well to one of my “homes” anyways. 2011 was a time of travelling around so much, I guess KC was the last place where I made a home for a longer period of time. And in the prayer room I felt at home.

So much could be said for the Onething conference. I was challenged to live righteously and am still thinking about Corey Russell’s definition of the fear of the Lord: “everything matters!” And I was reminded about the intentionality in God’s heart as He created me from Psalm 139. So good.

Best conference I’ve ever been to- Exodus Cry Abolition Summmit.

There’s no rest for the “hungry” and I really wanted to know more of God’s heart. Just a day after 2012 was in place, I set off to participate in the Abolition Summit run by Exodus Cry for 3 days. It was held at FCF (one of the IHOP-KC buildings) and I’d daily shuttle down there to go to the sessions. It was the best conference I’ve ever been to. Amazing is not a strong enough word to describe the quality and impact of this conference. All of the 8 sessions were incredible. Each speaker sharing about Jesus’ heart and how He wants us to respond, yet also including a very thorough knowledge about the topics they were addressing. This was a conference rooted in friendship with Jesus, yet also in a very real understanding of the issue of modern day slavery.

As the different speakers spoke, I kept feeling: “yes, this is exactly my heart”. I want to have the information, knowledge, and understanding about human trafficking, yet I want to respond out of friendship with God’s heart. Starting from the place of knowing what His heart is and partnering with Him in the place of prayer (which is basically talking to Him). My heart came alive! I would love to share everything I learnt/was reminded of, but it’ll take too long. Those of you know me can get in touch to know more.

Coffee, tea, London Fog, Dark Chocolate Mocca, Extra Hot Latte, coffee....

When I got to KC I really felt like my time there was about the prayer room and the conferences, but also very much about reconnecting with friends and contacts there. And so many hours were spent (mostly) in Higher Grounds, the IHOP-KC coffee shop. It was wonderful to be able to catch up with so many amazing people! I am so blessed, so very very blessed, to know such amazing people and to be able to reconnect with them even if it had been a year without seeing them. Some days I did feel quite caffeinated though, but that was ok.

The prayer room- getting realigned again.

Having been away for over a year, it was so lovely to get back into the prayer room. It was lovely to be able to settle into Jesus in a fresh way, and find there was time and space to really connect with Him without having to rush. I feel like I was really able to catch the vision of the house of prayer again and found my heart getting so excited by being able to continue to integrate this reality into my life in Amsterdam. I love how God is truly changing the way Christianity looks and is expressed, and I love that young people are choosing to spend their lives on Jesus being their primary focus.

Oh, how I love Hope City.

Many people come to Kansas City for the prayer room, or Global Prayer Room as it’s also called. I would come just for Hope City (although I love the other prayer room also, of course). Hope City (for those who don’t know) is the inner city prayer room and I love it down there. I love the rawness and realness of it, and I love God’s heart for the inner city.

Going down there felt like “coming home”. There is such love in that place and part of me wishes I could just stay there and work there and see God move. It’s such a unique way of doing ministry, and yet the fruit is so great. Last year 100 people gave their lives to Jesus there, just by coming in.

I loved hanging out there a little bit (not enough), and I hope that I can bring some of the reality of having a place like this, where the broken and rejected can come in and find acceptance and encounter Jesus who restores, in Amsterdam.

Looking ahead...

There is so much more I could tell, but it’s been two evenings since I started this post, and I think I need to get it posted so I can start blogging about what lies ahead. On Monday, in 6 days I move to Amsterdam. It still seems very unreal, yet very soon, and at the same time as I’m looking forward to get to a place where I can settle down for a bit, I’m still quite daunted by moving to a new city and all that entails.

Still, I know it’s the right move and the right time, and I know there will be grace for the transition.

Flying reflections.

2011-12-28T05:12:00.000-08:00

Tuesday 27 December 2011

On my way again... reflections from the plane.

Having boarded the plane from Amsterdam to Detroit, I find I have a moment to write will the plane slowly fills up. Being right after Christmas it’s no surprise that the plane is packed. Sat here I realised I have been a bit spoilt travel wise the past years. This plane has no individual tv screens and I find that quite sad really. Being a full day flight and knowing I’ll be absolutely exhausted when I arrive in Kansas City, I was looking forward to watching quite a few films and just chilling on the flight. But, although I do expect it to be a relaxing flight, there will be no film-marathon for me... I already read half my book on the flight from Stavanger to Amsterdam, and now I regret not having brought more books with me. 10 hours is a long time to fill....

Anyways, enough “sighing” for now. I’ll have to pack away my laptop...and who knows, I might get back to writing once we’re in the air. After all there’s not much else to do.

In-flight reflections...

This time from my final flight- Detroit to Kansas City with WiFi onboard the plane. I only had 30 minutes of free internet (which is used up, so this will be posted when I’m on the ground again), but it was fun! Makes you realize how far technology has come when it’s possible to facebook someone to text the person going to the airport that the flight is a tad delayed.

Sat here I am in a bit of a daze... long day-flights do that. It’s really only 8:30pm, yet if you add 7 hours to that it makes it pretty late. But it’s all worth it. It’s worth this long journey to get to see missed friends again. It’s worth this journey to get to go to the Onething conference and get some good teaching. And it’s most of all worth it to get to go to the prayer room and dial down and just connect with Jesus. Connect without the busyness of life. Connect in a place where He is the focus and where it’s so easy to settle into that rest that He brings.

I was thinking about this past year and realise that although it’s not been high intensity all the time, it’s been a long year and I feel a bit weary. Lots of travelling, lots of changes, and added the uncertainty of what lies ahead can get quite wearisome. Yet at much as I would have loved to be settled in Amsterdam and fully involved in work and life there, I am also grateful for this year. Not that I would have chosen it to be this way, but looking back I can see how much I’ve learned and lived with God. There’s a place of trusting Him and His goodness, and that He is who He says He is, that you can only know when you have nothing else and no-one else to trust in. It’s so much easier to trust in His leadership when you know where He’s leading. A bit more challenging when you have no clue... and people around are asking you the very question you are asking yourself: what next?

And there is a place of realizing the price of being in missions that I’ve learnt this year. Being at a crossroads and finding myself at a place where getting a “normal” job and settling into a “normal” life was actually a very real option, opened my eyes even more to what I’m choosing when I choose to be in missions and live by faith. Spending time at home with family, nieces and nephews, having the day-to-day with them; made me realise that I’m missing out on so much when I’m away. They grow so quickly and their lives are so full of people who love them, it’s hard to be away coz I know that children forget, and I know that my input into their lives is limited by distance.

And the price of not having a proper home and a place to settle... I know I will try to settle a bit in Amsterdam, but I don’t know if I’ll ever really settle down in one place. Like it says in Hebrews: “I am looking for a homeland...”

Yet, even with these and so many other “sacrifices”, I feel so rich and so privileged. What greater way to use this one life I have here on earth than to use it for the One who gave His life so that I might live? What a joy to be able to have it as my job to love Him and bring His love to people. To spend my life that His Kingdom be established and justice and healing and restoration and freedom come to those who are oppressed and trapped?

As I enter this new year, another season of missions, I enter it wholeheartedly. I’m not going into it looking at what I have to “give up”, but I look at the riches I gain, and the greatest treasure of all to know Him more and get to do what I see Him doing.

And if you ask me what the “meaning of life” is, I would say that is it; it’s to be on a journey of knowing Him more and as I know Him more I come to love Him more fully just as He fully loved me first.

It’s good and right...reflecting.

2011-12-23T14:24:00.000-08:00

I’m sat here in the living room at my parent’s house. Everyone has gone to bed and I am sat in the cosy living room surrounded by Christmas decorations and a lovely Christmas tree lighting up the room. It’s so nice to be home at Christmas. Too bad the snow that appeared a couple of days ago, melted away almost as quickly as it came, and today it’s been quite rainy and mild.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I love Christmas coz I get to remember Jesus coming to earth. And I get to spend quality time with family. I am amazed at how much time seems to fill just 3 days of celebrating. Tuesday seems ages away, and yet it’s only, well, 4 days till.

And Tuesday I get on a plane and fly off to Kansas City for 3 weeks. Really looking forward to it. Excited to see friends again. Excited to go to the prayer room. Excited to have some time to just be refreshed and listen to God. Excited to go to the Abolition Summit. And excited for some time to just dial down and “be”. Hopefully I’ll manage to calm the traffic in my mind and find the peace of God to guard it.

It’s good and right...

My week and a bit in Amsterdam went really well. I guess I left my last post not on the most positive note, but that’s what you get from getting up at four in the morning and lobbing a ton of luggage to a different country. Arriving in Amsterdam, well at the YWAM base, was lovely. I got into my room in hospitality and just felt peace. In true YWAM fashion my room had a little welcome basket with a lovely note in it, and I had clean bedding on my bed and fresh towels.

From then on I felt literally embraced by those I’d met before. I got so many lovely hugs and welcomes it made me feel so loved and accepted. It’s amazing how people I barely know already start to feel a bit like a family away from home...

My first days, and actually the rest of my time really, felt a little bit crazy schedule-wise, as I was trying to fit in meetings with a vast array of people, and on several occasions found myself rushing to get to my next appointment. Note to self: don’t plan too many meetings in one day and pace yourself. It’s easy to get busy in Amsterdam. Even as I walked around the city with no time restraints I found myself rushing. It was an interesting observation. Well, I guess the question would be whether I was actually rushing, or just flowing with the people traffic?

So Amsterdam was good. I was so glad to have gone down for that short time. It was so worth it. I look to moving there with excitement and peace. Excitement to walk in what is in my heart and be a part of brining Light to that city and people. Peace that I am in the right place. It’s so good to rest in God’s peace.

And I kept feeling God say: “It’s good and it’s right to be in Amsterdam”. And I agree. It’s good and right that I will be moving to Amsterdam.

But moving will be end of January. Before that there’s Kansas City. And oh, of course, Christmas- which is tomorrow already. I’d better get some sleep.

Did I mention that I love Christmas?

The emotion of transition.

2011-12-07T00:51:00.000-08:00

I’m sat at the airport in Schiphol in Amsterdam. I just landed and decided to grab a bite to eat and a coffee before setting off on the journey to the YWAM base where I’ll spend the next week and a bit working on the Shine Seminar and going through the new staff orientation.

I’ve felt a bit emotional the past days. I think it’s really sinking in that I’m going to be moving here, and the whole reality of having to start over (again) and build mostly new relationship and friendships (again) kind of overwhelms me. Especially when I’m around family which I love and miss when I’m gone.

However, I am hoping being here these days will settle me a bit. I know this is all part of transition and so I keep pushing through.

Well, outside it was pouring down with rain just a minute ago and my flight was delayed because of wind. I guess this is Dutch winter weather. Out of the window I do see a “De Oliebollerte” which I think is kind of like a Dutch doughnut place. It’s red and looks very Christmassy. I think the large Christmas tree decorated in oversized snowflakes and blue helps with the Christmas feel.

Anyway, my coffee is done and I should get going. Not looking forward to from train to bus to carrying, but I know what to expect so I think it won’t be too bad. And it’ll be good to settle in, for a little while anyways.

Wrapping up” Brazil, landing, and looking forward.

2011-11-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

So many thoughts to write… I really need to, well rather, want to, write a final bit about my last week in Brazil and how it was to leave and final impressions. Not so much for anyone beyond myself reading this (since I mainly write for myself anyway), but so that I won’t forget. So that those memories and feelings can continue registered somewhere, even if I never read them again. I suppose it’s almost like filing; even if you never go back to what is filed away, at least it’s there, available, and you know where to find it if you wanted to.

Wrapping up.

So, final week in Brazil. It was lovely, sad, busy, impacting, and a time of wrapping up and getting closure.

The last weekend of my time (I travelled on a Friday) most of the staff went off to do an evangelistic impact in Juazeiro do Norte. I had already decided not to go, and went away for a few days with my friends Peter and Selma and their children to a lovely flat in a place with a pool. It was a lovely retreat. Apart from loving the pool and getting a nice tan (very important J, although sat here in cold November in Norway, my tan is covered up by warm clothes), it was so precious to have some quality time with good friends. We chilled, ate nice food, watched good films (and less good ones, if you’re considering watching “Final dance” with Patrick Swayze, it really isn’t worth it at all… I think there are few films I would say are worse than that one), chatted and hung out. It was great. A perfect ending to my time.

Getting back from the little retreat, the week went by very quickly… it was filled with mostly catching up with people I hadn’t yet caught up with and saying good-bye to others. And packing of course. Packing is always a “joy”, although it was pretty painless this time round. And eating. Final Açaí na tigela, tapioca with banana caramelizada and doce de leite and cheese, pāo de queijo, suco de maracujá, and coconut water.

The day of leaving came around very soon and I had a lovely surprise breakfast with all the staff. I realized how many good friendships I have there, both new and old. It was sad to leave. It had become kind of normal to be there again… and at the same time it felt like it was time to go.

Thankful.

Looking back I realize my time in Brazil was such a gift from God. And His timing is so perfect. I know that had I come earlier or later it would not have been the same. I know that it was one of those “for such a time as this” times, and I know that it was time to be there, but that it was also time to leave when I left. I feel so blessed by all that I take with me from that time. I know I was able to give some and bless and serve, but I think I received more than I gave out. I am so thankful.

I am thankful for the privilege of seeing friends and people dear to my heart again.

I am thankful for many opportunities to teach and share, and thankful to see how I have grown in both confidence and I think skill in this area.

I am thankful to have spent 3 months with people who love God, and love the poor and needy and know God’s heart for them.

I am thankful for the little prayer room where I could talk to God about His heart and the people around me, and discover His dreams for them.

I am thankful to have seen Jesus in people who walk through life obeying Him and not led by their own selfish ambitions.

I am thankful for the opportunities to connect with the needy and broken, bringing hope which comes from God, to them.

I am thankful that my heart again could come alive as I saw the poor and lost through God’s eyes and heart.

I am thankful for the opportunity to pray for and speak life into boys in prison, and see in their eyes that the words hit their hearts.

I am thankful for the sunshine and warm weather.

I am thankful for the beach.

I am so thankful that I could take this trip and thankful that God went with me.

And I am thankful that coming back to Norway, He is still there. Right beside me, and ahead of me, guiding me, always.

Landing.

Landing. The question that immediately pops into my mind is: “which airport?” I feel like in the last 3 weeks I have been on so many planes and at some many airports, they all kind of blend into one. Leaving Brazil it took three flights to get home. Coming home was lovely. So nice to see family again and, oh my nieces and nephew are so big. It’s amazing how quickly the little ones grow and change in just 3 months!

Less than a week after coming home from Brazil I hopped on a plane again, this time to spend 6 days in England connecting with friends there. It was lovely! Always lovely to catch up with good friends. Lots and lots of tea (mostly Earl Grey of course), chatting, praying, time on trains, catching up. It was so good, but maybe in hindsight I packed a bit too much into the short week I was there. Note to self: plan more time in England next time I go.

In Norway we have a saying which is “snu i døra”, which basically means leaving as soon as you arrive. And that is almost what I did. I had one day at home after coming back from England, before I again got on a plane headed to Oslo, the destination being my YWAM base in Grimerud, which is a little north of Oslo. It was another good time of connecting with people again, spending time in the prayer room, and getting signed up again as a partner missionary with the base with my going to Amsterdam in mind. It was good, but I must admit that sitting on the plane home again the next day I was relieved to know that I had some weeks ahead of me with no travelling. I don’t mind travelling, but I travelling is tiring and it’s the destination that matters, not so much the journey in itself. Well sometimes the journey can be fun also, but it can get a bit much.

Looking forward.

It’s a week today since getting back. Feels like longer. Monday I started looking at the YWAM school/ course I’ll be leading when I move to Amsterdam next year. Initially it all seemed quite overwhelming, but I always find that the overwhelming gets more manageable when approached one bit at a time, which is what I’m doing. It is a challenge though, being here and not there and trying to figure out things. But the good thing is that God is with me even in that. And I know that He is so able and He always sees the whole picture.

As I’m doing some planning and communicating I feel myself getting excited about this next step. Excited to be a part of something that will impact lives. Excited to move to Amsterdam and be a part of what God is doing both there, but also in the world in the area of Human Trafficking. Excited to be living in the Red Light District of Amsterdam and shine true Light. It’s not a jump-up-and-down-and-speak-loudly excited (which I don’t really do anyway), but a calm excited that goes deeper. I think it’s like the peace of God which passes understanding. It’s a deep excitement which I can’t quite define, but I know it’s there. Right next to God’s peace which is guarding my heart and my mind.

Which brings me to this moment. It’s late and the rest of the house is quiet and sleeping. I am sat here writing this with such a good peace in my heart and a smile on my face. Life is good. This is a good moment.

Slightly delayed posting.

2011-11-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

Tuesday 15 November 2011

The airport seems to be the place….

for me to blog these days. Here I am yet again at an airport, Gatwick this time. One my way home from a week of visiting friends in the London area of England. It’s been a lovely 6 days. Catching up with friends and wishing I had longer, and entering into the day-to-day reality of a mother of 3. It’s been really good!

I realize I haven’t really finished up Brazil yet. Strange. It seems like so long since I came back, yet it’s only a week and a bit. I really hope that in the next few days that I’ll be able to sit down properly and close up the time in Brazil and even post some photos.

But even having just come back it really feels like I’m travelling full speed into the next thing. Suddenly everything is happening very quickly and I feel like I really need to get caught up with the whole swirl of moving to Amsterdam and leading the Shine seminar. Still, I choose to not get too overwhelmed as I have communicated that I won’t be able to do anything really till next week and so I’m holding off for a little longer. But I do feel excited and look forward to get stuck into things again. This year has been really good in the sense of trusting God for step by step, but it is a relief to know the next thing and be able to pray and work and walk for it and towards it and into it.

I’ve had some good chats with God on the many train journey’s I’ve been on this past week and I think I realize more and more that life is so much bigger than just me and it is definitely about much more than me. It’s funny because I know that, and even thinking that the world and my life revolve around me seems so proud when I put it in words. Yet, I know that so often my insecurities and reluctance in situations comes from a place of looking at myself instead of at God and other people who are part of the situation.

And I’ve come to love God’s agenda for my life and how He works through the desires of my heart. And I love how He keeps themes going. I went to Brazil and ended up going to a week’s conference on Human Trafficking (keeping the Human Trafficking theme going). This week I just realized that while I’m visiting IHOP-KC in January there just “happens” to be a conference on Human Trafficking there also which I will go to which will both (hopefully) give me an even deeper understanding of the issue, but also connect me with others who carry a heart to partner with God’s heart to see it ended.

I love the perfect leadership of God! He is a very good shepherd, and He always leads me well.

The end of yet another leg of the journey…

2011-11-05T11:56:00.001-07:00

I was sat fiddling with the power cable for my little Acer laptop and suddenly I see smoke coming from it. Needless to say I quickly unplugged it and pondered how I would proceed being kind of “laptop-less”. This was Monday. And that is my explanation for the absence of blog posts this final week in Fortaleza (the reason I can write now is because I managed to borrow a cable to charge up my battery before leaving).

There are many thoughts to share and reflections on God’s goodness, but right now I’ve been travelling for around 29 hours and so I think the deeper reflections will have to wait until this wee traveler has had some sleep…

Right now I’m sat in Schiphol airport in Amsterdam. I got a coffee at the Parkcafe and am sat on the 2^nd floor facing the façade of the Grand Cafe, reminded by the smell that the smoking room is right behind me. I would move, but the airport is pretty busy and I’m tired. It’s been an uneventful journey, but 29 hours on the “road” (or in the air and at airports) does take it’s toll. I did have a lovely break in the journey as I hopped on the train into the centre of Amsterdam and met up with some dear friends there and talked and ate and talked and had tea… a very good way to spend 6 hours.

As I said goodbye to old and new friends at the airport in Fortaleza my heart was yet again filled with thankfulness and sadness. Thankful for the gift of friends, and sad to yet again leave people I love so much. I wish I could have everyone I love around me all the time, or at least in the same country. But I guess I’ve come to embrace the journey. The journey of being a sojourner on this earth. The journey of getting to know people and places. The journey of learning about who God is and His love through the people I meet.

And so in my slightly frazzled state I am sat here at the airport. I’m connected to the IHOP webstream using one of my two 30-minute free internet slots, and as I take my last sip of coffee (which is pretty cold by now) I feel so thankful. Thankful for these past months and thankful for family and friends at home whom I’ve missed so much. And thankful for what lies ahead. It’s amazing how easy it is to feel God’s peace in an overfilled airport, because He is with me, always with me on this journey.

The end of yet another leg of the journey…

2011-11-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

A really good day.

2011-10-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

I’m now in my final week here in Brazil. It’s very surreal and yet I feel very relaxed (maybe a tad concerned about my luggage space).

Yesterday was a great day.

In the morning I went to Dom Bosco, one of the youth prisons where I think I had the strongest connection when I worked here. I love going there. It really feel like I have a “place” there in a weird way. We had a group of 14 boys and after worship and a talk about “the valley of the dry bones” (from Ezekiel 37) we divided them into smaller groups. I sat down with 5 of the lads to chat. It was so good. My heart was so for them and they were so wanting change and something more. I love moments where you get to really know what’s going on in their lives and talk to them as individuals and not so much as one of a group.

I asked them what stood out to them from the talk and most of them replied “valley of dry bones” or “lots of things”, but when asking further they didn’t have much more to say. One lad, however, you could tell is so ready for change. Ready to walk with Jesus and to see change in his own life and also his family. He shared that he saw the valley kind of like a dark valley and that there’s a light coming which is the life… it was a great analogy and gave me an opportunity to share about how Jesus is light, but that He doesn’t come and pull us along by force, but that He comes with an invitation. The boys were responsive and when we prayed I could tell they were really taking it all in. Oh, what a privilege to be there and get to feel and see a bit of God’s heart for these lads and get speak words of life to them. It was a great morning!

In the afternoon we headed to another place I know well (or at least used to know), São Fransico, which is another youth prison. Again we had a group of 14 and although our time was shorter, I could tell the boys were thinking and many of them responded to wanting to walk a better path than they’ve walked so far. I was just praying, praying that their desire to walk rightly be stronger than them pull of crime and drugs and violence. And I was praying they would meet Jesus who is the only One who can truly set them free. It was a great afternoon!

The evening was also great, but in a different way. I went with some friends to a Brazilian barbeque place called “Spettus”. They do “rodizio de carne” where you pay a sum and can eat all you want. They have a lovely buffet of salads and side dishes, and the waiters walk around with spears with delicious grilled meat they slice right onto your plate. It is wonderful!! So even if it was a slightly different activity, it was a great evening.

As I arrived home after a day full of impressions and feeling slightly full, I was reflecting on how rich I am. Maybe not very rich in money, but so rich in life. Rich, because I get to meet people and see places. Rich, because I get to know God’s heart. Rich, because I truly can walk in the “life in abundance” Jesus came to bring. And I am so grateful!

Oh, how I love the city!

2011-10-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

I ended up getting the bus into Fortaleza this afternoon. It was a chilled hour-long bus ride and some of roads we took brought back memories of the 13 years I have known this city. I remember back in 1998 when I would take the bus into town with my “Year For God” team and we’d get off the bus at Avenida Domigos Olimpios and walk up to “Igreja Coraçāo de Jesus” which was our point of reference. And I remember how the city centre at that time seemed so big and confusing, where now it doesn’t seem big or confusing. I love this city.

I got off the bus at Rua Assunçāo and walked to “Darling” one of the (many) beauty salons in the city. Brazil is the place to get cheap manicures and pedicures. I went in and had my nails done while thinking about how great it is to be in a place where taking care of oneself is valued in a different way than in Europe. Here no-one thinks it’s a waste of time or money to have your nails done. It’s almost like it’s a natural part of life. And it’s so relaxing. And I remembered how it was one of the few things that helped me look out for myself when I lived here. My theory was that if I wasn’t able to take one hour every two weeks to do my nails I was way too busy. As I was paying at the salon I met a friend who volunteered at “Casa de Meu Pai” (My Father’s House, the street kid project I worked with) which was also lovely. Nice to be remembered after so many years.

From there I walked into the core of the city centre. I felt such peace, even if it was busy with people and cars and life everywhere. I love the city! The smells, the people on their way somewhere or nowhere, street vendors everywhere selling everything from corn on the cob and chips, to cell phones, handbags, toys, underwear, fruit, tapioca, cashew nuts… you can get anything in the city of Fortaleza if you know where to look. Walking along I recognized shops I used to shop in, street names, and noticed new shops and even small shopping malls along the way as I strolled along.

At “Dudas” (a bakery/snack bar) I stopped and got a rosca da canela which is kind of like a cinnamon doughnut. Very nice and yet another thing I can tick of my list of things I wanted to do and eat while here. I got a little bit confused with where the streets were going and ended up at Praça José de Alencar and was amazed at how nice it looked and how peaceful it is. I wanted to stop and take it all in, but still had a few errands to complete before closing time.

In a little gallery I found and old man with a small wooden table who fixed watches and sharpened scissors and things like that. I gave him my “alicate” (special scissors used when doing pedicures) to sharpen. As I was stood there waiting some kind of demonstration passed by on the streets and of course everyone was looking and commenting. I love how the Brazilians so often are so blatant about these kinds of things. Where I usually will discreetly look or even pretend to not notice, on many occasions the culture is to stop and just stare. Sometimes it can seem maybe rude or even unpleasant, but in a sense it’s so honest. Anyways, the demonstration got many stares, which probably was the purpose it to start with. It was practically over when the little old man was done with my alicate so I never did find out what it was all about.

From the little old man I headed to what I call “Bible street”, which is this little gallery with probably like 10 Christian bookshops in it. Sometimes it gets very overwhelming to enter them as the people who work there are incredibly friendly, and for an introverted Norwegian it can get a bit much. (Although I do appreciate the heart behind the friendliness.) Today it was refreshingly different. I choose to enter one of the smaller bookshops and told the lady what I was looking for, and was in and out of the shop in about 15 minutes which is not bad.

I was meeting a friend of mine at 5:30pm, and with a little while to spare I popped into a little snack place and had an acerola juice. It was so good and refreshing. Sitting at that counter in that little typical Brazilian snack bar, on an old wooden stool, drinking my juice from an old fashioned glass cup with a straw I felt so at peace. Like I was feeling at “home” again. It all felt so “normal” and right. I love the city.

I headed over to the theater where I was meeting my friend, and as I stood there waiting I rested in the peace I was feeling and just looked at people. The heavily pregnant lady rushing ahead holding the little boy by his hand. The short guy looking after parked cars. The chubby young man who was singing his heart out as he pushed a wooden cart around. The cart was blasting some music I think he was selling the CD of coz the cart was covered in CDs. People living lives in the city. Some rushing along, others more at ease. Each with a live they’re living. Each with joys and struggles.

I found myself searching as I looked. Searching for familiar faces. Looking for an older version of a boy or girl I’d once known on the streets. Hoping to find them, yet not. Hoping to hear one of them say “tia Elisabeth” and come up to me unrecognizable because they are doing so well. Hoping and feeling God’s heart. Even if I’m not working with the street people anymore, God is always at work. And even if I am starting to forget some of them, He never forgets and never will forget them.

As I saw my friend arriving I quickly tried to record in my mind my thoughts and reflections. And as I walked to meet her I took a last glace at the city and thanked God for allowing me to come back and see and feel it again. See and feel the peace and the life of the city. And be reminded of His heart for this city. Because at the end of the day it’s not really about the city in itself. It’s about the people. Because a city is it’s people and God loves the people of this city. And so do I.

Restless.

2011-10-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 25 October 2011

Today I feel restless and unsettled. I don’t know why exactly today, but I suppose it’s coz it’s a day where I’m doing stuff on base more than being out and about, and after almost a week of people around me constantly it’s strange to not have that same intensity and pace.

Restless. Trying to get my head around the fact that I leave in 10 days and there are still a few people I’d like to see and a few things I’d like to do, yet feeling unable to really plan and know what is going to happen. Seems like there are always so many variables in the mix and so many factors to take into account. It’s a tad complicated for me. But then I know that in the end everything will work out.

Restless. Because I realize that soon I will truly have to set my focus on what lies ahead and start to think about what I’m going to be doing in Amsterdam and in the midst of that realization knowing that I really don’t feel equipped, yet confident that God is able. Always able!

Restless. Tomorrow I was going to the community, but it got cancelled and so I suddenly have the day freed up. So do I take the opportunity to get the bus into town in the afternoon or do I just hang around here? I think I know what I’ll do, but sometimes I wish life didn’t consist of quite so many decisions to make. Tomorrow evening we also have the graduation for the night school which should be nice.

Restless. Today I feel restless. And a little bit lost in the big world we live in.

Itapipoca and seeing old friends.

2011-10-23T03:52:00.001-07:00

Saturday 22 October 2011

I had such a lovely time in Itapipoca. It was such a joy to wake up to the view of the Serra and have a slower day on Friday then I’d normally have. My teaching times at the night school run by the church went really well also. I think I’m getting less nervous and more relaxed as I teach, and I think I’m also feeling more confident with what I’m sharing which is quite nice also. It helps that the students were so attentive and interested, it was almost like they were encouraging me to share what was on my heart. Good times.

Early this morning I got on a bus back to Fortaleza. My good friend Acyza met me at the bus station and it has been such a joy to see her again. She’s a good friend from when I used to live here and even if we’ve not seen each other for almost 5 years, we’ve stayed in touch. And the thing with good friends it that when you see each other again you just pick up where you left off. We had breakfast, went to the beach (which was so nice, I am getting nicely tanned, ready to head back to Norway in November and use long sleeved clothes), have a lovely lunch and this evening we’re going to Beira Mar to the market at the sea front there. I feel really relaxed. Enjoying life and friends, and feel like I’m making the most of this day.

A little piece of paradise.

2011-10-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last week I saw a little bit of paradise. I was so blessed to go to a place called Jericoacoara which is about 4 hours from Fortaleza and known as one of the most beautiful beaches in the world. I have always wanted to visit this beach, but in my time living here I never had the opportunity to go. So when my friend Juliana said that a team of doctors were coming from the USA on a missions trip and that they were going to spend 3 days in Jericoacoara, ministering to a poor community in Jijoca (close to the famous beach) and also seeing the beach and lagoons, it didn’t take me long to decide to go and help translate. It was such a blessing.

The team of 8 are a wonderful group of people and it was so much fun to hang out with them as we ministered and saw the beauty of that place. The first evening we arrived and participated in a church service at the local Assemblies of God church. My friend, Luciana, who was organizing the team asked if I wanted to share something and I said I would if they needed me to. Needless to say the opportunity arose and I shared for about 15 minutes about loving God and it was such a blessing to not just do practical outreach but also minister spiritually to the community.

The next day we spent the day attending people in the community. I worked translating the doctors and we attended about 200 people with various illnesses. It was a long and busy day, but so good! The next day was our day off so we spent the morning at “Lagoa do Paraiso” (Paradise Lagoon). It looked like a piece of paradise. Clear, transparent blue water, sandy beach and just lovely. I swam, sunbathed, and enjoyed the beauty. For lunch we ate delicious grilled fresh fish. Then in the afternoon we drove over the dunes to Jericoacoara, the famous part. We paddled in the sea and then went up on a famous sand dune to see the sunset. It was spectacular. Breathtakingly beautiful. How anyone can doubt the existence of God after seeing that, I don’t know.

I asked someone how the name “Jericoacoara” had come about and they told me that when the fishermen were approaching the famous “rocha furada” (rock with a hole in it) which is the symbol of the place (unfortunately we didn’t have time to visit the rock), it looked like a crocodile sunbathing which in portuguese is “Jacare corando o sol”, so “Jacare corando” kind of sounds like “Jericoacoara”. I thought that a cool story.

In the evening we had dinner and looked in some of the touristy shops, before driving back to our hotel which was about 45 minutes on the dunes. We drove in a special lorry with an open back because they don’t allow regular cars to enter the little village. It was a good few days.

We got back Monday afternoon and I continued translating (or rather “interpreting”) for the team on Tuesday and Wednesday, going to some of the poorer areas in the city of Aquiraz (which is close to the farm). It was really good and I so enjoyed working with the doctors and impacting the communities.

Another few things that happened before heading to “Jeri” (as Brazilians call it) was a prayer night on the main base property in Jacundá. I helped lead it and it went really well. A good time of laying a foundation on that property in prayer. And before leaving for Jeri on the Friday I spent the night in a youth hostel in the city (so I could meet the team to leave early in the morning). It was called “Hostel Terra da Luz” and it was really good. Simple, a bed in a bunk bed, but with clean sheets, clean shower and nice staff. A good experience!

One last thing is that coming back from Belo Horizonte I needed to make a decision if I was going to move to Amsterdam and lead the “Shine Seminar” and work with the Lighthouse ministry. After praying and thinking a lot, I have decided to go. I have peace, a sober peace because I know it’s going to be challenging, but peace non-the-less. And I believe it’s going to be good. My challenge right now is to manage to focus on these last two weeks of my time here in Brazil and not start living in the ahead. I don’t want to miss out on time here, thinking about the ahead.

Well, I will end this post. Right now I’m in Itapipoca, which is in the interior of the state of Ceara, about 3 hours from Fortaleza. I am teaching at a Bible school which is run by a friend of mine, Saulo, in one of the local churches here, and staying with him and his family. It’s so beautiful here. The surroundings are really different with the Serra all around (big hills) and it’s really green. Tonight is my last night and tomorrow I head back to Fortaleza to spend the weekend with a friend of mine in the city. Time is truly flying. I really need to be intentional to make the most of every moment.

Belo Horizonte.

2011-10-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

Friday 7 October 2011

My week in Belo Horizonte (BH) was so many things. It’s hard to even know how to start writing a “summary” of my time there. It was only a week, but I come back feeling like I’ve been gone forever, yet realizing that it wasn’t really that long.

It was special being back in BH which has changed, yet is still the same 13 years down the road. I spent a month there in 1998 when I was doing my “Year For God”. As part of the conference celebrating the 25 years of the base we had a tour of some of the ministry houses (YWAM BH has 8 houses each representing part of the people that are reached through the work). Going back to Luzeiro, a community development project was really impacting. Seeing the slum which is located on hillsides and how it’s changed was such a privilege. And seeing how the project has developed and meeting some of the people who are loving Jesus in that place really blessed my heart. It was also special to see some people I remember from that time and remember the short 4 weeks I was there all those years ago.

My highlight was no doubt the lunch with the ladies, but I already shared about that.

The conference and seminar on Human Trafficking were good. “Not For Sale” did most of the teaching and what they presented was really good and practical. Still, it’s a different reality here in Brazil, where, unlike Europe and maybe even the USA, people really haven’t heard of the subject before. Some of the girls in the dorm-room I was in the second part of the week, commented after 5 days of hearing about the subject that they now understood what it was about. It’s a new reality for them and even more necessary to educate and raise awareness. Especially since Brazil is way up the list when it comes to Human Trafficking and with the World Cup coming to Brazil in 2014 there is a lot to be done!!

I was also encouraged that I didn’t learn huge amounts. Encouraged in the sense that I thought there was so much left for me to learn, but realizing that I do know a lot and it gave me more confidence to share what I do know and walk in knowing that what I do know is correct.

However, even if it was well-done, thorough conference/seminar and the information and teaching given was quality with substance and practical application, I really missed a focus on intercession and the part this plays. Some commented that we can’t let prayer be an excuse to not act, meaning that we need action; we need to raise awareness and tell people about the subject. Which is so true and “Not For Sale” do an excellent job in training and empowering people to step into action, clearly showing people that everyone can be a part of fighting Human Trafficking in some way. But my heart was saddened knowing that the battle against Human Trafficking is also a spiritual battle, and believing that intercession is also action. And I kept thinking: “don’t let action be an excuse to not intercede”.

I come back even more committed to fight the battle against Human Trafficking through raising awareness, reaching out to victims, training and empowering others to fight the battle, and to intercede. Join my cry with the cry of the oppressed, and see God hear and act on their behalf.

Then after a week of activity and (lots of) travelling around (on foot, by bus, by kombi and car) we were suddenly on the plane back to Fortaleza again. And it’s good to be back (especially to the warm weather- one of the days I was so incredibly cold it felt like the core of my bones were frozen).

I have less than a month to go here. My days are filling up fast. It’s good and I am excited about the things I have planned, but I also want to make sure I am fully here. I want to continue to have a posture of “listening”. Listening to God and listening to people. And I don’t want to slow down. I want to keep running well the rest of this part of my journey.

Loving the ladies.

2011-10-03T07:15:00.001-07:00

Sunday 2 October 2011

Today I want to write about today. Today my heart was moved by God’s heart. Moved with God’s heart for the women who live in prostitution here in Belo Horizonte (BH). I’m here for a week and today I participated in a lunch for the ladies which is organized by a team in the city. It really impacted my heart. The past years my eyes and heart have been opened in a greater degree to the lives women in prostitution lead and a desire to speak value and dignity to them and see them encounter the love of Jesus.

The past few days the team had been going out with invitations to lunch today, and so today we went along again, divided into teams, to visit the ladies and invite them (or remind those who were already invited). Here in BH one of the areas of prostitution has many “hotels” where the ladies rent rooms and the men come to them to “buy their services”. The buildings have doormen and it’s a very organized establishment. It really impacted me to enter these building with narrow staircases, and men coming and going. As we entered in we’d hand out invitations to the ladies whose rooms were open and invite them and tell them how valuable they are. Many of them had already been invited, and quite a lot of them affirmed that “yes” they were coming!

One lady who looked older was very open and seemed happy and excited about the lunch. She commented on my hair and said I was beautiful, and I responded by giving her a hug, looking her in the eyes and telling her that she too is so beautiful!

As we were in the buildings inviting the ladies the men caught my attention and it just broke my heart to see the vacant, dead looks in their eyes. My heart was stirred not just for the ladies, but also the men. They are so broken and in need of restoration too!

After inviting the ladies we went back to small indoor shopping gallery where the lunch was to be held in the food court. We sat around and chatted (I had an “açaí na tigela” which is absolutely delicious. It’s the pulp of the açaí berry blended with banana and with granola and nuts on top. It’s just the best!), waiting for the ladies to come. And little by little they started coming in and as they’d come they were greeted and sat at the tables. It was so nice to see the conversations happening and the love and care that was showered on these ladies. I sat down with a lady who was so shy. She was a bit older and it was a lot of work to keep a conversation going, but by the end of it, it felt like we’d connected a little bit at least. I told her about the care of God and how He cares about her dream to work as a hairdresser, and I got to pray for her which was really special.

Another really awesome part was the raffle where each lady was given a number and then there was a raffle. It was so beautiful to see the joy in the faces of the ladies who won as they came forward to receive their gift and get a good, loving hug as well. Of course there were enough gifts for each lady and it made my heart so joyful to see it!

As it was ending I saw the lady I’d called beautiful, and she came over and gave me a huge hug. She introduced me to her friend as “the girl who called me beautiful.” It’s amazing how much of an impact a simple word of encouragement can make.

Another day I’ll write about the other days here, but right now I just want to dwell on God’s beautiful and amazing heart for these women, and pray that the ladies I spoke to will hear their heavenly Father also say to them, “You are beautiful.”

Love for the city and feeling like I’m whirling in the wind.

2011-09-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 25 September 2011

I love the city. I was born in a city (well, technically a town, but still a place with lots of people and easy access everywhere). I have lived most of my life in cities (Manchester, Sandnes (my town), Leeds, Plymouth, Fortaleza, Kansas City (didn’t feel like a city but is a city), Amsterdam (for a short stint). My heart comes alive when I’m in cities.

I love the smells and the sounds. I love the different people on their way to or from somewhere. I love the life I see in the city.

And so it was really fun to spend some time with my friends Andrew and Claudia who live in the city. I stayed in their lovely flat (with dark wooden floors) and we had such a good time together. As I went for a stroll I was reminded once again of the city that I lived in for so many years, and still carry in my heart. My mind and heart was impacted by the contrasts between the poor and the right, yet for both, they are living the life they have mostly always known. I didn’t go down the trail of feeling the heaviness of injustice and poverty. I just “lived” I guess. I just joined in with the life as I walked along, becoming one of the many populating the street at that very moment. On my way to something, like everyone else.

As I was walking back I bought coconut water. The lady offered me a plastic chair on the pavement if I wanted to sit down, but I wanted to keep walking. So I carefully balanced my green coconut full of coconut water in my hands, and walked along carefully as I drank the refreshing water from the two straws coming out of the coconut. It was a tad heavy and I was glad when I’d drunk it and could throw it away. But it was a moment of “living”. And in that moment I felt so content with life.

Saturday I came back to the farm, but not before going first to a fundraiser for “Vida Nova” a project that works with pregnant girls. It was lovely. Mostly because it was so impacting to hear the vision and heart of the project, but also because it was just nice to spend time with lovely people eating (a little too much) of lovely snacks like cake, salgadinhos, fruit salad, juice, coffee, little biscuits, and coffee.

Secondly I went to the birthday party of my friend Cleide’s daughter. She turned 5 and had 150-ish people at her party. It was perfect. Tons of food, sweets, children, adults, a beautiful cake, presents, fun; a party well worthy of a little 5 year old. My friend was so happy. She’d been preparing for it for months, and I think as much as it was for little Ana Julia, it was just as much a time to be able to receive friends and family. It was a great time which I really enjoyed!

Then, after the party, we drove back to the farm. Tired, very full, but I felt so refreshed from a few days of doing something different.

And soon I’m off again. Tomorrow night I get on a plane to spend a week in Belo Horizonte in the south of Brazil. Going to go to a conference about Human Trafficking arranged by YWAM and Not for Sale. I know it’s going to be good and I am really excited about it. Still, looking at my agenda (planning in another opportunity to share) I realize that time is going very quickly and that once I’m back from BH I have a little less than a month left. It’s going to be gone in no-time, so I want to make the most of the now.

Speaking of the now, I should end this post and head over to the palhoça (the meeting place here on the farm) where we are going to have our weekly service in a bit. I’ve already covered my legs and arms with mosquito repellent and I’m ready to go.

A few photos of my Brazil.

2011-09-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

A collection of posts- glimpses into the last weeks.

2011-09-17T09:47:00.001-07:00

Monday 12 September 2011

Sharing and living.

The sun has set as it always does, right at 6 pm, and it coincides with the awakening of the mosquitoes. Oh, the joys of living in the Brazilian countryside. I’m sat at my little glass kitchen table eating requeijāo (Brazilian runny cream cheese) on cream crackers (read: cremi craker) with a cup of PG tips tea (brought from Norway in my slightly overloaded luggage). I can’t believe I’ve already been here a month. Time is going quickly!

It’s been a really good week, but hard in places, but then that’s life in general- good and hard days. I shared at the staff meeting last week and it went really well. I was faithful to share what was on my heart and I trust it encouraged the staff here. It was also an exciting meeting as they laid out the plans for the main YWAM base property (which currently is empty in need of some restoration). As part of the plans is to build a prayer room where the chapel building is now. It’s so exciting to see how prayer is becoming the centre, and it should always have been, but now it’ll be in focus physically as well. My heart was so encouraged to hear these plans, and I can see even more clearly that I am truly here “for such a time as this” and get to be a part of laying the foundations in prayer and sharing of my life at a house of prayer. It’s just perfect, because God’s timing is perfect.

On Saturday I had another chance to share, this time with the group of volunteers who minister in the project in Oitāo Preto. It was such a precious time. I didn’t have very long, but being able to tell them that their identity is not in what they do and that they are so loved by God and are called to love Him back was so powerful!

After sharing I went with Marja, a friend here, to the city centre to buy some fabric. The city centre of Fortaleza on a Saturday isn’t the ideal setting, but it went surprisingly well. I guess coming at the very end of the opening time helped. We got almost everything we wanted done. The rest of the day we saw some more of the city. We went to Praia de Iraçema where they’ve built a new pier which is really nice, then we drove to find a place to eat lunch and ended up eating pāo de queijo at a little lanchonette. The rest of the day we went to a shopping centre, had ice cream and went to Beira Mar and looked at the paintings there. It was a long day, but good and different.

Different days are good and I so loved spending time in the city! I love the city.

Thursday 15 September 2011

Taking it all in.

Life is good. After feeling quite overwhelmed last week this week has been good, so far. On Monday I went to see a good friend of mine who lives in Aquiraz. It was such a precious time of being together and I felt so encouraged by the time I spent with her.

Tuesday is prayer day here on the farm. The goal is to spend 12 hours in prayer from midnight till 12noon. We’re doing pretty good and it’s so great to have a day where prayer truly is the focus. I usually go to the prayer room at 6am and stay till 9 or 10 am. It was a good time and in our intercession time at 8 am I tried to do some “harp & bowl” which is a mixture of singing and praying, a style we use at IHOP-KC a lot. It went quite well I thought, although we laughed quite a lot too. But it was good and I enjoyed it. It was nice that people were willing to enter in.

Tuesday evening is community service time, and people from the local community come. We have some worship, a short message, and then we divide into small groups and talk. It’s a lovely time, although the ladies in my group don’t say much… but it means I have to chatter on which is sometimes a challenge, but usually it’s a really sweet time. This Tuesday we spoke about peace, it was so good.

Yesterday I taught at the night school which went very well. The students diligently took notes as I spoke and I managed to say everything I had to say and only went over a little bit time wise.

Earlier on in the day I was in the community we work with. In the afternoon we were visiting families and walking around the narrow little alleyways. It’s very impacting to see clothes hanging out to dry everywhere, some people smiling and chatting, others with expressions of a life of hardship on their faces that speaks a lot louder than any words could express. In one house we visited the grandmother. She shared about life and her health issues. When we asked her how many live in the house, her answer was “oh, not too many right now”. Meaning that instead of 20, there are “only” 13 people who sleep there at the moment. And it’s a very small house. It’s amazing how our perspectives are so different. As we were returning to the project we passed by a man who was busy brushing his teeth by the side of the road, and saw children and adult going about life. Life in the community in some senses seems so simple, yet even in the simplicity the issues they are faced with day after day are heavy and complicated- death, drugs, murder, health issues, poverty… so much need. And then you have the lady (who seems quite old, but probably isn’t) who we shared with about Jesus and she wanted Him in her life and now her countenance has changed. Her circumstances remain the same, yet there is something different about her. And then there’s the 16 year old who is doing pretty well, yet is in a bit of trouble coz her boyfriend was arrested for drugs. She’s a beautiful girl and is searching, and even in her “confidence” and “outgoingness”, she knows that Jesus is tugging at her heart. Time in the community always fills my heart and mind with so many impressions and connects me with God’s heart. And even as we start the day there with weak worship and weak prayer, I know that in that very moment, sitting in the little project house in the middle of the community, we are making the most difference. That the conversations and relationships we encounter as we go out are fruit of the time when we’re connecting with Jesus.

What a privilege.

Saturday 17 September 2011

Rest.

I don’t know why Thursday ended up being such a rough day. I guess waking up and feeling unwell wasn’t the best start to a day that turned out long and busy. But I got through it and it finished well.

Thursday felt like a whirlwind. Many of the staff unwell, everyone busy and overwhelmed, and on top of that I was teaching in the evening about Human Trafficking. But I don’t want to dwell on the “challenges”. I want to dwell on the goodness of God. He got me through it and at the end of the day, after having taught about Human Trafficking and Intercession (and actually sharing all I wanted to share without running out of time, well almost, I think I went over just a little bit), I felt better than I had the whole day. There is a spiritual battle, and I think Thursday I was right in the middle of it, and God in His goodness carried me through. What an amazing God we have!!!

Yesterday was another incredibly busy day. In the morning we made a special breakfast for Selma for her birthday. Apart from having the opportunity to love and honour her, it was also a sweet time of people spending time together. Relationships are so important! I made a brownie with a condensed milk and coconut frosting and it ended up more like a brownie mousse then cake, but it was very nice (if I can say so myself).

Then we set off to Lar Davis, which is a beautiful, Christian orphanage about 15 minutes from here. Two sisters who used to live in Oitāo Preto live there and I wanted to pay them a visit. Some of you will remember the story of “Camilla” and her little sister and of the miracle of God in bringing them there. “Camilla” at age 10 was addicted to crack and was completely out of control and when we didn’t know anymore what to do we just prayed even harder. And God responded and through a series of circumstances we could never have brought about without God, she ended up at Lar Davis. And she is doing so so well. She turned 15 this year and is on fire for Jesus. It was such a joy to see her again, see how good she’s doing and hear how she’s so rooted in Jesus. This summer she spent a week with her aunt in the community and was busy sharing about Jesus with her family, testifying of a Jesus who transforms lives! Her dream is do an interior design course and one day she says she’ll be a missionary. Her sister who is 14 wants to become a pediatrician. My heart was so full of joy and gratitude as we left. It brings such hope!!

As we arrived back at the farm we ended up leaving straight away to resolve some urgent issues and do our afternoon visits. We wanted to visit some of the boys who used to live on the farm to encourage them and see how they were doing. Our first stop was at M’s house. He wasn’t in, but his mother and siblings were there, so we visited with them for a good while. It was good to see his mum smiling. She has changed a lot since I first met her many years ago. Still, life is really hard and you could tell that things are difficult. The children are hungry and M isn’t doing very well at all. We prayed with them and gave her some counsel. M’s brother (who lives at the farm here) went home to spend the weekend with his family today, so we bought a “food basket “ (not a literal basket, but a food parcel of basic foods- cesta basica) for him to take to them.

After that we went to get P to take him to his grandmother. His older brother was killed a few weeks ago so we were going with him to visit her (she raised and is raising most of his siblings). It was so hard to be there. She is falling apart. Just sobbing and talking about how her life is over and how now that her “son” is gone there is no-one left that she loves. She was saying she just wants to throw herself in front of a car and end it all. I told her she would do no such thing and spoke life over her as I acknowledged her grief. But it is hard. She is depressed and life is so so hard. She has lost so many family members, many of them killed in terrible ways. It’s not surprising she’s in the state she is. But she still has at least 3 of P’s brothers living with her, and my heart was breaking for them also. What does it do to a 16 year old to hear that his grandmother, who is like mother to him, only loved his brother who is now dead? It was so heavy, yet we spoke life and prayed and continue to pray. As we left my heart was heavy. And it still is.

Seeing P again was good, but bittersweet also. He’s doing fine- working, has bought a little house with his brother, and is ok. Yet he admitted that his relationship with God isn’t what it once was and I think he still dreams of a different life, yet know that he has chosen the life he is living. But by all means, he is doing ok, and is no longer the little 8 year old I met 13 years ago, but a man responsible for his own life and actions.

It was a long day (we still had the night school to do before heading home. Thankfully I could just listen to the class and not teach it).

Today is a much needed day off. Peter and Selma are away for the weekend so I’m staying in their little apartment here on the farm. It’s so cozy and relaxing and nice to have some space to just be. Right now the internet is working which is also really lovely since it means I can sit here in their comfy sofa with the prayer room webstream on (only audio coz the internet is pretty weak, but it’s better than nothing) writing my blog.

I think it’s going to be a good weekend. This afternoon I might go to the beach with some friends, but we’ll see. Next week is different. I’m going to visit my friends Andrew and Claudia for a few days on Wednesday. It’ll be good to catch up properly with them, and since they live in the city I hope to get some shopping done also. And then the week after I’m off to Belo Horizonte for a week to go to a conference and workshop on Human Trafficking.

Time is going quickly, but today I don’t want to focus on time. I want to just be.

“Love truly casts out all fear”, and an involuntary internet fast.

2011-09-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 6 September 2011

It’s amazing how addicted I’ve become to internet. Or maybe “addicted” isn’t really the right word, I guess “dependent” is a better way to express my connection to the internet. We’ve been without internet access for a week now. Well, we might have had access Wednesday and Thursday, but those days I was out from early morning till late at night. It’s quite frustrating. Makes me feel cut off from the world, and I think what is most frustrating is how I feel cut off from communicating with friends and family. I’d marked several chats on skype this week, and obviously I didn’t have them... I wasn’t even able to let the people know.

My only access this past week was on Friday when I had a quick check of my emails at an internet cafe. It was a surreal experience to be sat at a computer with the clock counting down how much time I had left and trying to type as quickly as possible on an unfamiliar keyboard. It brought back memories from when internet cafe was the way to go. I remember a little over 10 years ago when I arrived here and was responsible for the communication for the project. We didn’t have internet at the house, well, actually we didn’t even have a phone and would have people call the payphone on the street and the neighbours call us to come down from the second floor... things have changed since then (yes, we didn’t even have cell phones, although I think one of the our staff got one soon after that which was a great blessing, and we did get a phone eventually). Anyways, in those days the way to connect to the outside world was made possible by taking a bus for 25 minutes to one of the few internet cafes in the city (today there are “lan houses” on every corner and in every slum) and hope for a decent connection (dial-up was how we connected then) and hope that it wouldn’t disconnect while I was in the middle of something. But even so, I didn’t know any different and thinking back makes me grateful that things have progressed. Even if right now I am not seeing it.

So I’m on an internet fast. Although, can you call it a fast if it isn’t voluntary? I am really hoping it gets sorted today. But we’ll see and I have come to a point of “acceptance”- there’s nothing I can do about it anyway....

But in the midst of this frustration (which is only a frustration when I let it be) it’s been a good week. Very busy and full, but really good. My highlight was Thursday when I went to two youth prisons. So different from last week when it was good, but heavy.

The first prison we went to was Dom Bosco. I have such a good relationship with the staff there and they still remember me which is lovely. We ministered to one of the cell blocks and had maybe a group of 15-20 lads. They were so attentive and listened with such a hunger for hope in their eyes. One in particular just had such desperation in his eyes and a “is it really true what is being said? Is there really hope for me?” At the end he and 2 other lads gave their lives to Jesus. It was powerful because you could tell it was from the heart. It’s not “cool” to stand up in front of the rest of the group and declare you want to become a Christian, an definitely not the “cool” thing to do if you’re a teenager in prison. But these boys did and I am praying that their lives become transformed with the life of Jesus.

It was lunchtime and so we drove around to find a cheap place to eat. We ended up at a “churrascaria” which is a Brazilian BBQ place. Some of them are amazing, this was an ok one. I was with three guys so I felt quite blond and female, but it was a fun experience. I had the “PF” which means “prato feito” and is the ready made plate. I had baiāo de dois (rice with beans mixes together), spaghetti, salad and a piece of chicken and a sausage. It was a large plate! But I managed to eat about half of it and it was really cheap too. A good lunch. We washed it down with some Guaraná Antârctica (Brazilian fizzy drink) which was just perfect. Then we had to “resolve some things” which I guess is the same making some errands. I went along for the ride, not that there was another option. At one point we stopped in front of a little snack bar and I had a very sweet cup of coffee with milk and a “Serenata de Amor” which is a yummy chocolate filled with a cashew nut chocolate truffle filling. Delicious (and yes, I do get quite focused on the food here because there are so many amazing foods to experience and eat).

The second prison was Sāo Miguel. Also familiar territory. Thursday was a sports day where the families of the boys were also invited. As we came in I was moved to tears by seeing sons and mothers embracing each other- some crying some just sitting. My heart was so moved I struggled to not cry (some tears did escape and I quickly wiped them away). I was moved by the parents and sons, but also knowing the disappointment the boys who didn’t have their mothers or fathers there must have felt. We stayed for a little while with the programme. Heard a small choir of boys singing about Jesus being their master, some crying- maybe because the truth of what they were singing moved them or maybe because they were moved by their mothers being there to hear them sing. I don’t know, I just know it was powerful.

After a little while we left the programme and headed to lock-up which is where the boys who are banned from the activities are. When we started the day one of the guys on the team mentioned something like: “we’re going to the lock up which is where the boys are the ones who have killed, raped and committed really serious crimes”. At the time I felt a little twinge of worry which surprised me because I love the prisons and I wondered if it was worse than when I used to work there. Anyways, I quickly prayed for my heart and the “fear” left. When we entered “lock-up” my heart was flooded with love. It is true that love casts out all fear. We encountered about 12 lads sat on the concrete bench waiting for us. They were so well behaved and attentive and engaged it was a joy to be with them. When we were going to worship they suggested several songs and joined in, and at the time of the message being shared, they participated and you could tell they were really listening. I am always amazed at how we can see the same person in so many different ways- to some these lads are criminals who deserve to be locked up- and it is right for them to “suffer the consequences” of their actions. But they are so much more than that. They are also someone’s son or brother; boys who have lost their way and aren’t able to find their way back.

As we gave the invitation to give their lives to Jesus, 6 of them jumped up. It was almost as if they’d just been waiting for the opportunity to embrace the hope of a life changed, true life. Another two joined with them and it was such a time of life and joy. Another two were already Christians. I spoke to one of them and we talked about hope and how Jesus hasn’t given up on him. He said that he’d already been in prison three times and believed there was no longer any hope for him. I reassured him that God accepts him and loves him and is for him. I shared about the prodigal son from the Bible who took his inheritance and wasted it and ended up feeding pigs to survive. And how when he thought about home he remembered how his dad’s servants were treated better then he was being treated and decided to return home and ask to be a servant. But that as he approached his house his dad saw him, ran to meet him, embraced him, and received him as son. I told this lad that that is what Father God is like. Time was short and there is only so much you can share in 10 minutes, but I prayed for him and hope that when he leaves he can change his life, with God’s help.

Needless to say I was quite emotionally exhausted after a day like that. In all honesty I just wanted to go home. Cry a bit, pray a bit, praise God for the victories and pray for those who are still so far from knowing Him. But time isn’t always available and as I returned all I had time for was a very quick shower and a cup of ovomaltine (chocolate milk) before heading back to the city for the night school. Still, I have been praying and processing since then and I find it such a privilege to be allowed to partner with God’s heart in this way.

A new week is here. On Sunday I shared at a Bible school run by one of the churches, this evening I’ll be sharing at the base staff meeting, and next week I get to share with the night school. Lots of stretching and depending on God to help me share what His heart is.

But it’s good. I have two months left and I’m excited to see what God has for the rest of this time (and if the internet decides to return any time soon).

Trying to get into the flow of the rhythm and reconnecting.

2011-09-01T03:32:00.000-07:00

Tuesday 30 August 2011

I remember listening to a teaching about living a focused life, the idea being that if you plan your days well then you won’t waste time. It’s a great idea, but if you’re in Brazil, it doesn’t really work. It’s not really because people have a more relaxed relationship to time, which they do, but more the fact that things just take longer and relationships are so important.

So I am slowly trying to get into the flow of life here. Last week I found myself feeling rushed at times. I felt like suddenly the week was gone and I had been doing so many different things and hadn’t even had time to reflect on what had happened. I wonder if it’s just me, or if I am getting too much into the flow of ministry. I want to learn to live a balanced life. A life where the priorities are right and where the needs and ministry don’t take over, but where I use time in prayer which is where the real work is done.

It is a challenge though. A challenge to see how a change of rhythm to include prayer to a greater degree could be possible in a place like this where the need is never ending. I find that when I look at the work that is done here with my human mind, I see the circle of need which I lived for so many years, where I couldn’t see how anything could be stopped or let go of. It’s not like anyone is wasting time at all. But then I step back and I see that unless there is a stepping into prayer, then all the other “running” in ministry is going to wear people out.

So how can it work? I have no idea. I just know that I want to find they key. Maybe I know it already... but how to walk it out in practice, is different then knowing.

It’s a journey, for sure. A journey of life, leading to life!

On a different note, although connected, I went to the youth prison on Friday. It was so good!! I remember 8-9 years ago starting the ministry in the youth prisons. Being a young, foreign, blond, female was probably not the obvious choice for someone to pioneer a ministry into youth detention centres with Brazilian teenage guys. But God does take the foolish things to confound the wise, and I was a tad confounded myself by how God chose to do things. Over the years I worked here I the favour of God and found Him give me such a love and burden for these boys and girls, some who had committed the most violent of crimes. Anyway, when I left I gave it all to God but God kept it going and it has grown and moved forward. It’s such a testimony of Jesus!

So on Friday we went into one block at this youth prison and did a discipleship time with a smaller group of lads. It was interesting to see their desire to know more and their interest, yet at the same time see their fear of committing to something completely. My heart went out to them. I pray Jesus becomes real to them. After doing being in the one prison, we went by another one which I think was the first one I went to all those years ago. I popped by to say hello to the director who still remembers me even if it’s been almost 5 years since I left. It was so encouraging to hear how he basically has open doors to the project coming in and reaching the boys with the gospel. He himself said that it is Jesus they need, and I so agree! It encouraged me so much to see what God is doing. And in a sense see what was once my “baby” having grown into more then I could have imagined! This week I’ll be going to a few other youth prisons and I am really asking for God to use me, but also that I can know how to pray for the work that goes on there.

Saturday Andrew and Claudia, some really good friends of mine came to the farm to spend the weekend with their two gorgeous little girls. It was such a joy to see them again and reconnect! We, well the girls and some of the women here on the farm, went to the beach in the afternoon. I (slightly involuntarily) went into the sea and felt the warm sea water, collected some lovely shells, and had wonderful time just connecting and hanging out and chatting and enjoying being on the beach. I love the sea! We even popped by one of the beach front hotels which has a pool and I had a little swim (which was just perfect. I love swimming pools!). In the evening we went to “Centro das Tapioqueiras” which is a typical dish from here. It’s a thin pancake like thing made from mandioc root and it’s white and looks a bit like Styrofoam (but tastes nothing like, not that I’ve tasted Styrofoam). They fill it with different fillings, in my case I split two with my friend Marja, and ate half with cheese and “carne do sol” (which is a dried beef) and half with banana, cinnamon, and cheese. When I got it I thought the latter one was a tad dry and realised that the banana tapioca I used to eat when I lived here also had “leite condensado” (sweet condensed milk) on it, so I asked them to put some of that on it too. It was so delicious!! Absolutely perfect. One more thing to tick off my list of things I want to do and eat while I’m here (haven’t actually written the list yet, but it’s in my head).

A really good weekend! It’s so lovely to get to do ministry and reach out and reconnect my heart with the people and things I used to do when I lived, here, get to pray and get God’s heart for this place and what He’s doing, yet at the same time enjoy life and friends and take pleasure in being in this beautiful place, culture and nation.

I am so thankful to have this time here.