This week fear is our topic for discipleship. As we talked with the younger boys yesterday, a little 5-year old shared that he is afraid of gunshots...it really brings home to me the reality he lives in. He's only 5, but still violence is so real in his life. And today in the prison one of the boys shared about how he's afraid of dying when he leaves prison because he's doing time for killing someone and is afraid of vengeance. As he shared I could tell it was really deep. I shared with him the promises of God from the Bible, but said that although God is our protector, we need to allow God to take charge of our life. He was very moved by what we shared and we led him and some others to receive Christ in their lives. A powerful time, which I am still feeling impacted by. The urgency and reality of these boys I think will always touch my heart. It is something I will carry with me even after I leave; and I know I will miss being able to go in and minister to and get to know these boys who have very strong life-stories, but who are just kids after all.
This evening feelings of weariness flood my soul. Weary of not knowing. Weary of choosing to trust. Weary of waiting. Weary of walking yet not knowing what I am walking in or towards. Weary of figuring out life on my own. This past month the reality of crossroads in life has hit me yet again. I knew it was coming, but suddenly it was there and I just had to go with it. There’s not much more I can do...except waiting and trusting and choosing. Choosing to let God be the One who guides and fights and prepares the path before me. My crossroads is “do I stay or do I go”? From Kansas City and IHOP-KC. In October I’ll have been here two years, which feels like 5 years and at the same time 6 months. In December I go home for Christmas. It’ll have been a year since last time and I’ll be seeing my niece who’ll be 3 instead of 2 years old, and my little nephew who will be 1 year already, and I’ll get to meet little Julie who is only three weeks old as I write this. She’ll be 4 months when I meet...