Skip to main content

Visiting Paulinho.

As I gave him a hug goodbye tears pressed towards my eyelids and I could no longer hold them back. Like when waters press past the banks of a river, so my tears flowed down my face. They were tears of joy. Tears of saudade (note: Portuguese word describing the feeling of missing somone).

What a joy to see Paulinho. See him grown. See him well. See him take the first steps of independance in the big world. Because the world is big, and he has stepped into it. Stepped onto a plane in Fortaleza, Brazil, and stepped into a music school in Hamar, Norway. A huge step for a young man, but it’s what God does when we let Him. He raises the lowly from the ashes and sets them as princes. Paulinho is a prince. He is highly regarded and favoured in God’s heart.

So I left him there. My visit wasn’t long, but it took away some of the ”saudade” and created a new ”saudade”. Carrying people in my heart breaks it more often then not. Not because bad things happen (although sometimes they do), but because when you let someone into your heart, it is heartbreaking to not be close to them. Not be able to have an active part in their life. Not be able to show them that I love them and that they are important to me more often.

But that’s life. People come and go. Some become part of the past and some remain in my heart, like Paulinho. Remain and cause tears of joy and ”saudade”. But then I suppose that if you don’t love you don’t miss. ”Saudade” is part of the price I have to pay for having people in my heart.

I am sat here in a not too busy airport terminal. And I feel the ”saudade” of not just Paulinho, but also of the other people he represents. The ones I love in Brazil. The ones my heart aches for because I miss them. A tear forms in the corner of my eye and I can feel a lump in my throat. I take a deep breath. The ache is still there, but I remember that God is also there. There to share my heart aching because He comforts. There to share my love, or is it I who am sharing His love… I love because He first loved me.

I am grateful that I could visit Paulinho today. Grateful that he is well. Grateful for God’s faithfulness. Thank you Jesus. (Written 3rd September 2008).

Popular posts from this blog

Getting to know the local culture.

Life is a strange thing. Last week went…not much happened, and then it was over. The weekend was quite calm without too many wild and exciting things happening. Except, of course, a wee outing to watch the National Championship for Veteran Ploughing. Now, like me, you might be sadly lacking an understanding of what this actually means. So I am delighted to be able to enlighten you in this respect. It’s basically (for the “farm-language-illiterate” like myself) a competition where you use old (hence the name “veteran”) tractors and ploughs, and plough up a stretch of field which is then evaluated and the one scoring the highest sum (accuracy, depth, how well the soil is turned is all given points) wins. I must admit that this information I got by eavesdropping on a conversation next to me where a man was explaining to some of my friends how it all works. So that was a fun adventure….although we only stayed for a bit. What is sort of occupying my mind at present is my upcoming travel abr...
Read more

Taking in the familiar and a heart connected.

Amsterdam. It still has that muggy feeling in Summer, and a constant flow of people which if you stop to think about it, it's quite amazing that there would even be space to accommodate them all. But then I guess they are not all staying. Just passing through on their way to or from somewhere. It's always good for the heart to visit somewhere that was once home. The familiarity of streets and customs makes it easier to embrace what might be new as well as the joy of being reacquainted with old friends. Friends. So many of them to be found in this city, ready with hugs and good words that are uttered when seeing someone who was away again. Friendship. A treasure that cannot be bought. Cobblestones trodden by many, including myself. Sitting on a bench. Praying. Remembering the first time I stumbled upon this area lined with windows with red lights and curtains. An area which has come to represent no longer windows, but people to me. Some still behind a window. Others who have ...
Read more

Romania- so much hope filling my heart for this nation.

As I sit down to write this, I am at the little table in a rented flat in the centre of Bucharest, Romania. It’s quiet. Strangely quiet considering we’re in the centre of a huge city. My feet are propped up on a worn fake-leather puff thing, and as I check the time I realize that I have been in the country less than 24 hours... and yet my heart is overflowing with impressions and emotion for a nation I barely know. It’s getting late, but I know I am too awake to sleep and so have made myself a cup of Earl Grey (with milk) and have sat down to try to capture at least a bit of what this day has been. As always, I write mostly for myself and the occasional other who desires to enter into the telling of my story. Driving from the airport last night, and getting the first glimpse of the city and seeing majestic buildings lit up towards the night sky, filled me with expectation. A beautiful city filled with so much history. I came wondering. Wondering what this nation I knew from w...
Read more