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What does it mean to trust?

It’s been a while since I wrote. I got busy and then I got ill. But now I’m not so busy and feeling well. Although I’m still busy, most of the time.

My course is going well. It’s incredibly interesting and it feels as if we’re truly having the top people in the area of human trafficking/working with women in prostitution speaking to us. It’s so inspiring to hear these people share of their life experience and glean from their wisdom. This weekend we passed the half-way point and only a couple of weeks remain till it’s over.

Over... meaning I need to walk into the next that God has for me. Which brings me to my question of what it really means to trust in God. I don’t know what lies ahead for me. I don’t know what the next step on my journey will be, and I find myself wrestling with the subject of trusting God. What does it really look like to live it out? I mean, I do trust Him. I trust in who He is; I totally trust Him with all I have and am. But in the day-to-day, walking out of life, how do I do it?

Still at a crossroads in my journey. Even taking this step here to Amsterdam, I still feel like I’m stood in the middle of an open space not knowing which direction to head in, or even where I could head. So how do I walk? How do I walk in the now not knowing what the ahead looks like or is? Trust. Is trust when you can see where you’re going, or is it like faith, to walk without seeing? I guess I’m not meant to trust in the journey or destination or even plan, I’m meant to trust in the One who designed the journey and plan and who knows the destination. Trust in God who is so good and kind and faithful. Trust in God who created me and knows me fully. Trust in God who loves to see my heart come alive.

Alive. How can I live in abundant life when I find myself wondering what my life is all about? How do I live abundantly in the now, right here, today, and step out of the worry about tomorrow? It’s easy to say, but so hard and feels almost impossible to do. But it should be possible... shouldn’t it?

All is possible with God. And as I ponder and churn and wrestle with the not knowing, I find that the common denominator in it all is God. I trust in GOD. I wrestle with GOD. I walk with GOD. GOD created me. GOD has good plans for me. GOD delights in my heart. Life is what GOD has for me. And so I think the key to trusting and living and walking, even when I don’t see where I’m going is Him. Not in what He can do or what He says about me, but simply in who He is. Knowing Him more. Focusing my attention and energy on Him. Meditating on who He is. Worshipping Him.

And so I fix my gaze on God; on my faithful Father, trusted Friend, good Shepherd, Prince of Peace, Burden-carrier, perfect Leader, gentle Guide... and wait. Wait for Him to show the way. And in the waiting I choose to embrace His peace. The peace that passes understanding and guards my heart and mind in Him. And I embrace the place of rest that comes from knowing the One who is the author of the journey and trust that He also walks it with me.

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