Sunday 14 August 2011
Hope...
Yesterday late afternoon I went into the city for the first time since arriving here. My heart was so happy! I have such a heart for the city of Fortaleza! I went with the team to the community they work in which is called Moura Brasil, but a lot of people call it “Oitāo Preto”, which means either an 8 caliber gun or a dark corner where you throw things you don’t need- both negative things.
It was strange, good, weird, surreal, sad... to enter there again. Things have changed, yet haven’t. When we had parked the kombi (van) and were walking to the ministry house I saw Marcia, a girl I met 10 years ago in that very community. When I first met her she’d just been released from hospital from a motorcycle accident which had mangled her leg. Now, 10 years later, her leg is still healing, but she is in such a bad shape. Skinny and looks so rough and I imagine is using a lot of drugs. She was so happy to see me and gave me a huge hug. My heart broke for her. She is only a few years younger than me, yet her life has been a life of suffering and pain in many ways. Some through no fault of her own, some because of her own choices. I pray for a breakthrough!
Walking through the community there were many new faces. And familiar faces that had gotten older, especially of the children. And then the familiar faces that hadn’t changed.
A team from Crato were doing and evangelistic impact on a little square in the community and as they were setting up, we hung around waiting for it to start. It was already dark. It was kind of nice to be there without responsibility for once and I sat watching what was going on and praying as I sat there. Then I saw Janaina at the other side of the square. I was hoping I’d see her. She recognised me and I waved her over. When she didn’t want to come I went over to where she was standing. I hugged her. It was so good to see her, yet I struggled to hold my tears back. Janaina was one of the girls I worked the closest with. I accompanied her on the streets and visited her in youth prison. She is now 25 years old and still in a very bad way. She is so dear to my heart and I love her so much.
Anyways, stood there I could see how her body is in such bad shape. She has tuberculosis and her back is curved and she has shrunk as a result of her illness. But still it was the same smile I know so well that greeted me. I asked her if she wanted to watch the presentation with me, but she said she was drugged so wouldn’t and didn’t want prayer either. I gave her another hug and said I’d come visit her another day so we could talk. She hugged me back and went back to the little room she’s renting with her sister, Adriana (Rachel). It was hard to not burst into tears as I went back to sit and wait for the program to start. I knew she was in bad shape, but it still messed me up.
Then a little later someone tapped me on the shoulder and when I turn around I see Rafael. He was one of the first street boys I met when I came here back in 2001. He got saved and was doing really well, but then fell back into old ways and is not doing well at all. He was drunk, but respectful, and we spoke a little bit and I prayed for him. He told me his brother is really lost, his brother was one of the boys I had in a discipleship group at the end of my time here. As he left, my heart was heavier and I felt such a hopelessness.
It was strange, good, weird, surreal, sad... to enter there again. Things have changed, yet haven’t. When we had parked the kombi (van) and were walking to the ministry house I saw Marcia, a girl I met 10 years ago in that very community. When I first met her she’d just been released from hospital from a motorcycle accident which had mangled her leg. Now, 10 years later, her leg is still healing, but she is in such a bad shape. Skinny and looks so rough and I imagine is using a lot of drugs. She was so happy to see me and gave me a huge hug. My heart broke for her. She is only a few years younger than me, yet her life has been a life of suffering and pain in many ways. Some through no fault of her own, some because of her own choices. I pray for a breakthrough!
Walking through the community there were many new faces. And familiar faces that had gotten older, especially of the children. And then the familiar faces that hadn’t changed.
A team from Crato were doing and evangelistic impact on a little square in the community and as they were setting up, we hung around waiting for it to start. It was already dark. It was kind of nice to be there without responsibility for once and I sat watching what was going on and praying as I sat there. Then I saw Janaina at the other side of the square. I was hoping I’d see her. She recognised me and I waved her over. When she didn’t want to come I went over to where she was standing. I hugged her. It was so good to see her, yet I struggled to hold my tears back. Janaina was one of the girls I worked the closest with. I accompanied her on the streets and visited her in youth prison. She is now 25 years old and still in a very bad way. She is so dear to my heart and I love her so much.
Anyways, stood there I could see how her body is in such bad shape. She has tuberculosis and her back is curved and she has shrunk as a result of her illness. But still it was the same smile I know so well that greeted me. I asked her if she wanted to watch the presentation with me, but she said she was drugged so wouldn’t and didn’t want prayer either. I gave her another hug and said I’d come visit her another day so we could talk. She hugged me back and went back to the little room she’s renting with her sister, Adriana (Rachel). It was hard to not burst into tears as I went back to sit and wait for the program to start. I knew she was in bad shape, but it still messed me up.
Then a little later someone tapped me on the shoulder and when I turn around I see Rafael. He was one of the first street boys I met when I came here back in 2001. He got saved and was doing really well, but then fell back into old ways and is not doing well at all. He was drunk, but respectful, and we spoke a little bit and I prayed for him. He told me his brother is really lost, his brother was one of the boys I had in a discipleship group at the end of my time here. As he left, my heart was heavier and I felt such a hopelessness.
Sat there with the hip-hop and rap going on, dances and dramas being presented, and people evangelised my heart was so heavy. I was asking God why this community still is the way it is. The presentation was on a square next to a bar and the battle between light and darkness became so clear in a sense. It is almost like God is asking the community: “What do you choose, you can’t have both. You have to choose the light or the darkness. Which one do you choose?”
And I realised that I have changed since working here. My heart has changed. My understanding of life and freedom and Jesus has changed. And I think most of all, I understand a bit more now that at the end of the day we can do as many activities as we can fit into a day, but if it’s not covered and carried out in prayer, in a place of listening to what Father God is doing, then the fruit will be sparse. So as much as it was great to be back in the community and great to see people I love again, I am even more convinced that this city is only going to be transformed by one thing, and that is the presence of God.
Hope...
Today was another day. After getting back late last night, I got up and was ready to leave at 6 am to go to a baptism service. We left early to pick up the family of the boy who lives here. It was so good to see them all again. His brother M. was one of the boys I knew the best who passed through our restoration farm. He was doing well, but now isn’t doing well. He is living at home and when we arrived were told he was sleeping coz he’d been drinking the night before. I felt so frustrated and sad, yet wasn’t about to let that reality overshadow the purpose of the early start to the day.
We got the family and drove to the house of one of the church family with a pool. After a light breakfast of coffee/hot chocolate and bread the church service started and the boy got baptised. It made me cry and hope. He ended up at the farm because he almost died after being shot, and so it was such a victory to see him now declaring that he wants to live for Jesus and get baptised. I knew him years ago when he was a young teenager who didn’t want anything in life, and now he is a young man with more hope and more purpose in life.
After the heaviness last night, this was the perfect start to the day. A day of hope! A day of restoration. God is good!