“Where can I find life?” has been a question I have asked myself a lot recently (but really for years). And really the deeper question is: “What is life, and what does it look like?” I guess the simple answer is whatever makes you feel alive on the inside; that brings a smile to your face; and that gives you energy and increases your capacity.
There are so many side-effects of burn-out; or maybe they are rather causes of burn-out, which when combined become a huge mountain that can topple even the strongest of people. But once you have been depleted of your capacity to stand in the face of the challenges around you, one of the things that can help increase your energy and capacity is finding pockets of life. (And of course a lot of other things like rest, exercise, patience when the process is slow, setting boundaries etc. but that’s for another blogpost).
The past months I’ve been watching and searching and paying attention. Searching for choices that will bring life, and paying attention to the unexpected moments of life I step into. I have also noticed that most pockets of life are encountered when I am aware of being present, and not aimlessly focusing on a screen that numbs the brain rather than livens it.
One of my life-pockets is writing. I do it so seldom, but when I do it fills me with life. I imagine it feels a little like painting for those who love to paint, or even moulding something from a raw piece of clay. I love letting what is in my heart flow onto a page, and I love the process of figuring out what words and combinations of words will adequately capture what I am trying to say. Sometimes it flows quickly; other times it is a slower process, where it takes time to find the right words, and time to figure out how to fit them together perfectly. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to see the picture my words are painting, to make sure it is right. It is always a good sign when I feel drawn to write. It tells me that my heart has been filled up with something I want to express. And it is always an expression of overflow. That doesn’t mean it is only when life is good that I write, but it’s when life gives me energy; be it a positive and uplifted energy, or a frustrated energy from life’s challenges and injustice that I see. Either way it is a way to let my heart overflow, and give my experience and thoughts a voice. And that gives life.
I love bubble tea. The chewiness of the tapioca pearls that fit exactly through the oversized straw provided with the drink make it a delight. However, sometimes you can also choose little spheres which are filled with fruit concentrate. When you bite into them they burst and everything is coated in the (usually very sweet) flavour of said fruit. My hope is that the life-pockets I discover will eventually burst. Burst in the sense that the life they contain will bring energy and capacity to other areas of life. And that the flavour of life can seep into areas and situations that are maybe dry and dark. Then the taste of life can become a motivator to choose to live in the midst of challenges, turning what was dark into an avenue of hope for change.
And so the invitation is to notice, and to create pockets of life in the mundane and everyday. And my hope is that this December I will see them and jot them down in this blog. Hoping that my words can encourage others, but mostly so that I can create a remembering space for myself to go back to when I have forgotten where life was found. With a hope that these pockets of life will eventually no longer be pockets separated by time, but become part of the way I live and life itself.