My plastic cup is stained bright pink from my beetroot, carrot, and I
think banana juice. I picked it because it was called “stress blaster” (or
something like that), and also coz it sounded nice. Sleep is starting to sneak
in and I am wondering if I should have gone with a Starbucks latte with an
extra shot of espresso. Anyways, all I really need to do this morning is make
it to my gate and get on the plane home. And seeing as I am in the terminal
already it shouldn’t be too difficult.
Again I am at the airport, and as always a prime place to blog.
It was weird to be walking through the wet streets of the city center of
Amsterdam at 6:30 am this morning. It’s been freezing cold the past week, so I
was taken a bit by surprise at how it was feeling warmer (read: still cold) and
that my bundling up with scarf and fleece gloves was not necessary. The streets
were so empty, but for some random people who by the looks of it hadn’t made it
home for the evening yet. As I was walking it dawned on me that this is
probably the last time I fly home from Amsterdam as my home. Next time it will
be because I am moving.
It’s a time of change. A time of “last times”, and I guess this was one
of the many lasts. Coming up to Central Station it was so beautiful to see the
massive lit Christmas tree against the backdrop of the beautiful station
building. I made me stop and take a photo. One of many photos I will be taking
in the time ahead in an attempt to capture the beauty I will no longer be
surrounded by.
This week has been so full of emotions. Partly having mountains of
things to get done, but also being reminded over and over that I am leaving
Amsterdam. Some days it feels like a relief because it means the absence of
these mountains; most days it’s sad. Sad because there is so much I will miss. Cancelling
my gym and cinema memberships this week was strange. It made moving feel even
more definite, which it is, but still... and also filled me with such
thankfulness for having had these things available in these years. Two things
that bring me so much enjoyment and light, in a everyday that has a lot of intensity
and darkness. I can still use them till I leave for Brazil end of January, but it’s
strange to be done with them. Disconnecting. Step by step.
And so here I am. Sat in a worn out sofa at Schiphol airport that looks
a little bit like how I feel. Intact but weary. And so my heart fills with
thankfulness that again God knows and cares for me, and His timing for a break
is always perfect.
Thankful that I get to go home for Christmas and just be.
Thankful for family.
Just thankful.