Skip to main content

Some early morning thoughts in the airport.


Traveling. Again. Sat at Schiphol and it’s only 6:30 am. I am still wondering why I opted for an 8 am flight, but I am sure I had a good reason when I did. Bonus is I can make the most out of the day once I get home (including a nap I think). This will be my 5th flight in a little over a month. I don’t mind flying but it does make it hard to get into a routine when I’m not.

Mediocre coffee. I’m sipping a cappuccino which has a distinct burnt coffee flavor and was made by pressing a button. I saw “fair coffee” and thought “oh, let’s go for some fair trade coffee and see if it might be an alternative to Starbucks”. I only noticed that it was a “press a button” coffee when it was too late and the coffee-like liquid was entering my cup. I’ll blame it on the early morning, and will definitely pay closer attention next time. It’s always worth going for good coffee if you’re going to pay for it.

Reality. Even if this marks the start of a week of holiday, my thoughts are still with the women in Amsterdam. The reality of their lives and the more I get to know them, the less choice I see there is for them being where they are. Yes, some are trafficked which is of course very clearly not their choice. But those who came by themselves, knowing what their work would be, still had circumstances make their choice. Don’t get me wrong, they still had the choice not to come, but many don’t see it that way.

Reality check. A few weeks ago we were having a goodbye party for one of the girls who was leaving the windows. It was a day of celebrating who she is and laughing and crying together. Those are the days that give strength for the days when we see yet another woman who had left, return. Strength for the days when we get bad news about one of these we have come to love and fight for.

Swimming. Sunday I went to the beach by a lake outside of Amsterdam. It was beautiful! It’s so easy to forget beauty when surrounded by so much darkness and junk. Easy to forget what breathing fresh air feels like, when the norm is city air with a whiff of marihuana smoke now and then as I walk past coffee shops, or the frequent tourist or local choosing to take a smoke outside my house. As I was sitting in the sunshine with good friends and swimming in the lake I felt so relaxed and at peace. And it reminded me of Brazil years when I would have so much happening during the week, and yet when I could withdraw to one of the beaches it was like getting things back into perspective and being strengthened for what lay ahead.

Being known. Last week I got to see several really good friends who go way back. There is something about being with friends who have been a part of your story for years. They know you and even if you don’t see each other very often, you just pick up where you left off. Good friends are such a treasure and I am so grateful for them.

Fortaleza. We are going to do the Shine Seminar in Fortaleza. I am so excited to again be able to invest in this nation I love so much. I am going for a few weeks in August and I am excited. It’s a ministry trip with teaching and planning, but also a time to connect with friends who are so dear to me.

Future. What does that word mean really? Whether I like it or not I am in transition. My commitment in Amsterdam ends in February and so the big question is: what next? Many questions have been weighing on my mind the past few months. Do I continue on with the Lighthouse and the work there? Do I stay in Amsterdam? Do I get a normal job? Do I stay in missions? So many options, and yet my heart’s desire is to hear what God’s heart is for me. And so I wait. Wait and pay attention. And try not to figure things out in my own understanding. And I trust that He is still the good Shepherd who has led me so clearly this far.

Lukewarm coffee. The airport is getting livelier as I sit here and write. There is a gentle murmur of voices, and people walking to their gates or taking a look around the shops. Some alone, others with friends and families. My coffee cup is still half-full and has cooled down considerably. I think I’ll leave the rest.

Soon home. And so I think I’ll try to get online and post this blog, and then it’ll be time to walk to the gate and fly home. I look forward to a week of family and good friends. A week of reading books and good sleep. A week of seeing beauty around me.

Popular posts from this blog

Finding pockets of life (and a bubble-tea metaphor).

“Where can I find life?” has been a question I have asked myself a lot recently (but really for years). And really the deeper question is: “What is life, and what does it look like?” I guess the simple answer is whatever makes you feel alive on the inside; that brings a smile to your face; and that gives you energy and increases your capacity. There are so many side-effects of burn-out; or maybe they are rather causes of burn-out, which when combined become a huge mountain that can topple even the strongest of people. But once you have been depleted of your capacity to stand in the face of the challenges around you, one of the things that can help increase your energy and capacity is finding pockets of life. (And of course a lot of other things like rest, exercise, patience when the process is slow, setting boundaries etc. but that’s for another blogpost). The past months I’ve been watching and searching and paying attention. Searching for choices that will bring life, and paying att
Read more

There was a before and there will be an after.

“Do you really think it will go over?” A question posed as I was chatting to someone over coffee this week (with distance of course). My immediate response was that yes, I really do think it will go over, but I don’t know when or what it will look like. I don’t know when we’ll be back to “normal.” But to be honest, I am not sure I really want things to go back to being as they were before ... The past seven weeks have been so very different. Social distancing, staying one meter away from others, having permanently dry hands from antibac and washing hands a lot, and having to limit most interaction with others to a screen, have become part of everyday life. And of course the distance and isolating part of this “normal” I have no desire of seeing become part of the after . But at the same time I see good growing in this time of crisis; good that I do want to bring into the after , and what will become my normal when this crisis comes to an end. Time. Whether we like it or not, o
Read more

Small moments that mean a lot

Walking home on the crunchy snow that lights up a December evening,  I felt so thankful. The revelation that fellowship and being together is the best gift you can give someone, and realising that although it might seem small, it can turn into something big when a person feels seen and valued.  Yesterday I helped out with a crafts workshop for a group of lovely women volunteering for Crux where I worked before (well, in all honesty: they were making angels while I ate Christmas cookies, Quality Street chocolate, and chatted). I love walking alongside people in conversation, and realise sharing life for 2 hours can last so much longer in value and experience.  This evening we had our Christmas dinner for volunteers and people who are part of my current job. It was a delightful evening with many nations gathered around the same table…. eating the same food… and for a few hours creating a small fellowship moment that will become a good memory for the future. Often in my job the focus is o
Read more