On a journey...

What does belonging somewhere mean anyway, is my questions? The past month I’ve been pondering this concept. I’ve had days when I feel really a part of everything, and then suddenly it hits me and I find myself feeling like an outsider; a foreigner on the outside looking in, not part, not belonging, not understanding, and not knowing how long I’m here for and where I’m headed. Some days I feel so fulfilled. Other days I look at my life and I feel content in God. Yet looking at my life outside of God it’s like “what am I doing?” What is life all about?” I want to live. I don’t want to confuse life and ministry again…but then living is ministering, so how does that all work? I haven’t found answers to my questions, but I know it is part of the journey. The journey with God, where ultimately what is important isn’t where I belong, but that I belong to Him. And in this I find peace. I can’t believe it’s been a month since I last wrote on my blog. Time just goes, and sometimes when there is

Last Friday I got news that a friend of mine, Fofo, from Brazil and one of the boys I’d worked closely with in Fortaleza had both died. Fofo, a guy who worked on the YWAM base when I was in Fortaleza had died the day before after falling off a building. Daniel, not really a boy anymore but a young man, had been shot by the police a week earlier. I cried as I read the news. My heart was broken. It still is. I know Fofo is in heaven. Daniel I don’t know. He took steps towards Jesus while I worked with him, but where he was at last week I don’t know. I breaks my heart that he didn’t get a chance to live longer and it breaks my heart that injustice is allowed to flourish. I know he made some bad choices and wasn’t living a perfect life, but knowing his circumstances and knowing that he had a rough deal from the start makes it harder. And knowing there are so many others in Fortaleza and the world who are in the same situation, yet still alive makes me cry out to God. Cry out to the one who

Have you ever planned to write your blog and then just gotten distracted by email and other things? Well that is my excuse for not writing for weeks…I’ve thought about it many times and it’s on my list of things to do, but that doesn’t really mean anything unless I sit down and actually write. Wow…so much has been going on these past weeks I don’t know where to start. Love my new house. I’ve gotten used to the fact that the toilet and bathroom are carpeted. Not what I would personally choose to put on the floor, but it works and not focusing on it makes it liveable. Getting settled and just being able to relax in the peace of this house has really strengthened me and makes me so thankful for God’s provision. It’s so nice to be able to wake up in the morning and see the sunshine through my window (unless it’s a healing rooms morning, in which case it’s still dark when I get up at 4:30 am). I also love having my room on the 1st floor (i.e. up one flight of stairs). It really means that w

Time has gone so quickly. The wedding last Saturday was really good! The bride was beautiful and everything went really well! Moving was also surprisingly stress-free. We managed to move the stuff before I needed to head off to my BBQ, and although I wasn’t able to totally unpack the same day, at least I could sleep in my new room and I’ve spent the week slowly but surely getting myself organised. It’s a good house. Not as beautiful as my last one, but very peaceful and I am enjoying it here. The absence of internet makes things a little bit tricky, but hopefully we’ll get that sorted soon. It’s truly been a busy week. It’s funny how just a few extra things seem to consume time. The other night I realized I needed to get my vote for the Norwegian governmental elections in the post so it would arrive on time. It was already late when I remembered, so obviously it got even later by the time I’d actually filled in the paper and placed it in the 3 envelopes required for it to be considered

A few days ago I was rushing to get to the prayer room at 5:45 am (it’s funny how things just go s l o w e r in the morning). Anyway, a young lad wearing a fluorescent yellow reflex-vest walking a tiny little dog passes me. I imagine he was a dog-walker rather then dog-owner. And I started wondering what life as a dog-walker is like. I mean, who am I to say that his life is pretty straightforward and easy, it might very well not be, but I made me think how much less confusing my life would be if that was what I did: walked dogs in the early hours of the morning… These past weeks I’ve had the distinct feeling of having to keep up with my life as there’s been so much happening and so many shifts and changes, it’s quite overwhelming if I stop to think about it, which I don’t. Think? Who has time to think? Sat here drinking my PG tips tea with milk and eating cereal I don’t even know the name of (some friends left town and left me their left-over food) I think I probably should go to bed a

It’s funny how something really so simple can turn into such a big thing which makes you stressed. This week felt like such a long week. House-hunting added into that did not make me peaceful and serene. However, it should have been fine. Logically there is nothing to worry about. There are plenty of people renting out rooms, and even more importantly I have a God who is totally committed to me and to me having somewhere to live. Still, logic and feelings aren’t always on the same page. I let my friends know I needed a place to live, sent out emails to a bunch of people on a housing list, and went to look at a few places. Not quite knowing if the girls I live with now wanted to find a place together or not kind of made it a wee bit harder to look, because I wasn’t sure if I was wanting 1,2 or 3 rooms. But we’ve worked that out in the end, and the result is that I do have a house I’m potentially moving in to at the end of the month. I wish I could move sooner, but it seems a bit of a wa

Sunday 12 July 2009 Beautiful skies and a beautiful life. Sat here in my living room in Norway looking out at the sky. There are thick grey clouds with a pink colour in the background shining through. It’s beautiful and I’ve never noticed something like that before. Been meaning to write my blog for, well almost a month now. And now I am. No excuses…life is too short to walk around feeling burdened by the things I haven’t got round to do, especially as I am doing them. Whether or not I finish this post today is another issue…probably not since it’s already late and I’ve got an early start tomorrow. That said, yes, I am in Norway. Got a couple of weeks holiday at home, which is lovely. Although the warm sunny weather seems to have taken a break since arriving. I wonder where it went? My youngest brother, Magnus, got married on the 4th of July, and so I obviously had to come home for that. Funny, I live in the USA, yet come home to Norway on the 4th of July. It was a great wedding with l

This week has been a time of wrestling with the reality of injustice, yet knowing that God is a just God! My heart has been stirred up and I’ve found myself not agreeing with God, yet knowing that He knows perfectly. That He is sovereign. And that He is completely loving and good. Yet not understanding why injustice can prevail. The other day I was ministering to someone, and as I prayed and encouraged them, I could see their clothes were torn and dirty and I knew that although they were going after God, they were living in poverty. My heart broke. I knew that I wasn’t able to give them anything materially or financially to meet the need I so clearly could see. Afterwards I cried out to God and was asking Him how in a society of such abundance, such desperate need can remain. I asked Him of what He says in Matthew 25 about feeding the hungry and clothing the naked…what about those verses? As I wrestled I with it, He spoke so clearly and was asking me how this was different from when I’

Saturday 16 May. Lots of kids and girls in desperate situations. Saturday was kids club day. Arriving at the house “Shine” rents in Oitão Preto (it actually used to be the house of one of the boys in our discipleship group, which was a bit surreal because I remember sitting in that very house talking to his grandmother and aunt). We put out chairs in the different rooms and then the many volunteers who faithfully come on Saturdays trickled in. After a time of prayer the children were already coming and a time of joint worship was the first item on the agenda. After the worship the children were divided into groups according to age and went to their designated rooms. I just hung around and kind of got an overall picture. Juliana and I ended up having a long chat with one of the teenagers who was sent out from her group for not behaving the way she should. It was good to chat to her and bring some perspective to things. People kept coming and going and it was good to be there. At lunchti

Thursday 14 May 2009 City life. As I strolled along Monsenhor Tabosa on my way to meet Juliana at Dragão do Mar, I saw a man sleeping on the other side of the road. It was one of the parts where there are no shops, just this concrete building, and this man had put down his cardboard and was sleeping on top of it. He appeared to be at peace, but I am sure that although sleeping, his senses were alert. Alert to those who would want to mess with him, the police, other street people…there is no such thing as restful sleep when you’re on the streets. I kept walking with my mind and heart full of memories. I don’t know this particular man, but I know so many others who have made the streets their home, and I was remembering some of their stories and conversations we’d had. It made me wonder if they also were asleep somewhere in the city on a piece of cardboard. Walking home again later on in the evening I passed a street corner where a prostitute was getting ready for a working night. With h

Today we went to Lar Davis, a beautiful Christian orphanage here, where some of the kids we know live. It was so touching to see C. and I.M., sisters who come from very difficult circumstances, so well. They are beautiful and the oldest one, C., said her dream is to be a singer and a missionary in the community she comes from. Thinking back to the state she was in 3 years ago when she was taken to the orphanage, it is impossible to say that God does not do miracles. He does! I also saw L. who just turned 12. He was one of the boys in my little discipleship group from Oitão Preto, I led when I was here. One of the 10 who taught me lots of patience (smiles). He is thriving at the orphanage and continues to read his Bible, pray and memorise Bible-verses. It is good for him to be in a more structured environment as his mum, who is a single-mum, wasn’t able to control him anymore and it was dangerous for him. Still, it leaves me longing to see a solution that doesn’t involve moving the chil

I am sat here on Peter and Selma’s veranda, feeling the warm air and enjoying the sunshine. On the football field a group of lads from the community are playing football- which was preceded by a discipleship session. If they want to play football they need to come to discipleship first. Today a group of them received Bibles and are encouraged to read them. I can only imagine what God is doing through this simple, yet profound time. Today I go from the farm to the city centre to stay with Andrew and Claudia. As much as I am looking very much forward to seeing them, I’ll also be sad to leave here. A week is far too little time, but it’s better then nothing. To see the continuing transformation in the boys who have lived here for years now, and hearing about their families also being transformed really touches my heart. A few weeks ago they had a retreat with the boys’ sisters and they all received Christ. It’s been so good to connect again, and see that my relationships with people here

Sunday 3 May 2009 Atlanta airport. After a bit of a shaky landing, I arrived at Atlanta airport. I trekked from one end to the other at a leisurely pace as I knew I had plenty of time. Arriving at my gate I saw that the flight was delayed and heard messages on the loudspeaker that the airport is closed due to bad weather. It brought back memories from my last time here when my flight was 5 hours delayed, I sincerely hope that’s not the case today. I bought myself some interesting honey and mustard chicken with rice served in a Styrofoam container, and joined with some very sweet lemonade it made for my dinner…not the best meal I’ve ever tasted, but at least it’ll keep me going. Now I’m sat here at my gate waiting. The wireless internet isn’t free here (as opposed to Kansas City airport where it was free!), so that’s a bit of a shame. Still, my laptop is plugged in which is good as I used up all my battery in Kansas City (where you had to pay to plug stuff in- very strange). I am excite

I am sat her in my (still) white rocking chair (haven’t gotten round to painting it yet) looking at a packed bag and almost packed suitcase. I am most certainly getting ready for a new little adventure, which is good, because tomorrow I set off back to Fortaleza for a 2 week visit. As the weeks have gone by I have been so excited about this opportunity to go back and visit the people I love and carry in my heart! I am so blessed. Blessed to be able to go back of course, but even more blessed to have so many people in my life that I love and who love me. Time has gone so very quickly and I really don’t know where it went, but go it did. Trying to get prepared for travelling has been surprisingly peaceful, yet busy. I feel peace. And I am packed, and it’s only 1 am! So tomorrow I set off…I wonder what God has in store for me. How is He going to challenge me and stretch me? What more of Him am I going to see? I feel so alive in Him. These days I’ve been reading the book of John in the Bib

Last weekend was an adventurous weekend. In some senses it wasn’t the big things that made it different, but rather the small spontaneous components, which caused it to make me feel more free, or maybe freer is the correct word to use. On Saturday, after we’d done our routine shopping trip to Walmart, one of my housemates and I decided to go to a bookstore. Actually, I asked her if she’d come with me (or rather, I go with her as she’s the one with the car and walking wouldn’t be a very viable option). She was up for it and we decided to also get ice cream as part of our outing. We got to Borders and spent a while perusing the shelves. Resisting he urge to buy many books, I ended up buying only one, which seemed very interesting. Then we headed off towards the ice cream place. The choice was between Coldstone and Baskin-Robbins, and I got very excited about the latter. For some reason it reminded me of the film “Rain Man” and I seem to remember the ice cream featuring in the film in som

It’s been absolutely ages since I last wrote- life just happens, and to be honest there are more exciting things to fill my time with then writing. Although, it is nice to be reminded of those things, but if I don’t write them down, I’m probably going to forget them. The weather, the weather. I think it’ll be a never-ending saga- I am starting to understand why it’s said people talk about the weather a lot (I used to think it a bit pointless and boring and it can still be boring and pointless), but when one week we go from 24 degrees Celsius- vest top and flip-flops, to, in the very same week, cold and 20 cm of snow, I for one find it quite fascinating. Especially as the rise in temperature a few days later left rapidly shrinking snowmen on the lawns as the only evidence that we’d indeed had snow, and it wasn’t some dream we thought was real. Life as an intercessory missionary is good. I keep thinking that I’m finally settling into it and then I get a bit culture shocked or miss famili

Yes, I did write warmth, and that isn’t written in a “it’s nice and snugly inside” way. It’s actually really warm today. Around 20 degrees Celsius! Not bad taking into consideration that the snow only melted yesterday. So I’m sat here with my laptop on the kitchen counter, perched on one of the high stools. The veranda door is open and I can hear birds twittering away. It’s lovely. Reminds me that I really do believe I was created for warmer climates! I realised I had a moment, and then realised I hadn’t written on my blog for a while, and so I thought I’d might as well combine the two. Life is good. The other day we were driving along when 6 or 7 deer decided to cross the road as we were speeding down it. Thankfully we weren’t driving too quickly and could calmly slow down and stop to watch them crossing. It was spectacular- reminds me that we are not in the thick of the city. I’m just surprised they don’t get scared off, but then I supposed they’ve had to get used to traffic and peop

My heart is so struck by the brokenness and desperation of this world. I just got back from bowling with a bunch of people from my prophecy teams. My hair and clothes stink of smoke (which is really strange, haven’t had that for years as smoking in public places is illegal in Norway and even the UK now), and I feel a sobriety (I am not sure that’s the right word, but I suppose what I want to say is that I feel like I’ve had my eyes opened again to a bit of what reality here in Missouri is in a sense). My heart feels heavy. Not from the bowling time in itself, because it was a good bonding time, but from being around people who are enjoying themselves bowling and drinking and laughing loudly (I’m talking about the other people in the bowling alley, not the people I went with), yet seeing their whole composure portraying another reality then the one they are attempting to express. Laughter doesn’t always mean joy. It can also mean a desperate attempt to encounter that feeling of joy, whi

Well it’s Friday again and I am sat here in the prayer room writing a wee blog update. I realise this is a good progression as it’s only been a week since last time. I just got here. To my great surprise one of the little desks was actually free for me to sit at. Usually they fill up very quickly with students (from the university connected to the International House of Prayer) and other people (like myself when I can get to one). It isn’t quite the same to sit in a chair trying to balance my laptop on my lap while hoping the battery will stay alive long enough to get what I need to do done (and if not, try to discretely get my adaptor plugged into one of the extensions strategically placed around the room). I love Friday mornings. The prayer room is less crowded and busy, and the 8-10 am set (i.e. slot/ prayer meeting, call it what you want) is always really mellow, and it is a Worship With the Word set, meaning that it’s basically 2 hours of worship and singing/praying the Word of Go

I couldn’t find my journal the other morning (or my water bottle for that matter). I didn’t panic, but I thought it would have been kind of sad if it is actually lost, because I had a lot of good stuff written down in it. Thankfully I found it later on in the day. I’d left it on the kitchen table in a bag I don’t usually use, and so my housemates thought the bag belonged to someone downstairs and had kindly taken it down. After reading my note (which I wrote in the morning to see if they could help me solve the mystery of the missing water bottle and journal) they realised that it was my bag and brought it back up. Since it’s been a very long time since I last wrote here on my blog I wanted to jot some things down which I want to remember and so it might seem a bit disjointed at times. The last month and a bit have been eventful. I am finally done with my staff process here at IHOP-KC. I am now officially staff! I am excited. It also means that suddenly my time is more fixed then it wa

Kansas City is COLD!!! We’ve had days of temperatures as low as (and probably lower if you ask me) –17 degrees Celsius! It is so cold!! In the midst of the coldest days, for about a week actually, I just couldn’t seem to manage to heat up my room. The rest of the house was nice and toasty, but for some reason (which I later discovered what was) my room stayed freezing cold. At first I thought it was because I had two outer walls (but the neighbouring room also has that), or because the heating vents weren’t working properly (but one of them does work). My final theory was that the windows were very badly insulated and couldn’t keep the cold out (or warm in). Little did I know that I was on the right track, but hadn’t quite got it completely. Anyway, one day I was sat reading with a little heater blasting heat right at me, and detected a cold breeze coming from the window. I decided I had to go investigate, as I couldn’t believe that the windows were so bad they actually let a tangible

I didn’t realise it had been so long since I last wrote on my blog. It seems like so much has happened that surely I would have written some of it down, which clearly I hadn’t, not on my blog anyway. But that’s life. The last weeks of December just went and suddenly it was New Year, and suddenly we’re already into the first proper week of 2009. Crazy, but it’s been a full few weeks, in a good sense. Good days; good weeks. Christmas was lovely! Lovely food, good times with families, and I got everything I had wished for for Christmas. The days went so quickly and on the 26th we were sat in the living room with some of my cousins visiting in the evening and it started dawning on me that I was leaving the next day. It was fine to leave. I wish I’d had more time, but I was also excited to come back to KC for the onething conference and to see how that would work. My journey went very well in spite of very short connections. At one point I was wondering if I would make my flight to Kansas C