It’s late morning, but still feels quite early as we got back late last
night. My laundry is done and is hanging in the soft warm breeze accompanied by
sunshine. The perfect conditions for a quick dry. It’s Saturday and time for a
break from the busy weekly routine. I already had my cup of strong coffee with
milk and I am sitting here writing while the fan keeps me from starting to melt
in the heat. The beach awaits later, but for now I thought I’d take time to jot
down a few reflections and experiences from the past weeks.
Sometimes it feels like I’m collecting moments. Funny moments, sad
moments, moments I don’t understand, moments that require choices and
decisions, moment that are, were and will not return Often it’s hard to capture
the moments in words and yet I don’t want them to become as if they never were.
I love the process of life, even if I sometimes wish there was more
clarity of where I am headed to. Transition while in the midst of the now can
be a challenge. But when I choose to embrace the now it seems to help. When I
make the process and the now part of the moving towards, it makes it easier.
But moving towards something I don’t know what is yet can be a challenge
sometimes.
These past week I’ve been paying attention. Paying attention to life.
Paying attention to what makes me come alive. And paying attention to little
nudges of what that could mean. I am not interested in the easiest journey, but
I want the destination to be life.
Yesterday we connected again with the team that brings love and life to
the beach front of the city at night. Life. Sharing some of my wisdom and
experience, not because I know better, but because I don’t want to keep to
myself what I have been freely given. Life. Life in connecting with others who
are longing to bring life to those they encounter as they walk the streets
being light in darkness. Life in showing someone who is selling their body that
God remembers them and knows them.
Brazil.
This culture which is more than a culture I love. It’s a culture that in
some way has become part of who I am. I keep catching myself smiling at situations
that used to frustrate me living here, which now have become reminders of a
culture where really stress doesn’t help. The other day I was waiting for
someone in the bank- it took an hour and a half. But instead of getting
stressed and frustrated I just go an açaí
and enjoyed the
coolness of the air conditioning. Things have a tendency to work out. They
really do.
Last weekend I went with some friends to the
shopping centre. As we were leaving the parking lot the bumper of the car got
caught on the curb and got dislocated in a way that it was dragging on the
tire. Not very good (in my “clueless about cars” opinion). We stopped and had a
look and sure enough, a very old screw had been yanked out of place and the
bumper was loose. A few of the guys working in the parking lot (mostly helping
people put their parking slips into the slot in the machine leaving if they
weren’t able to reach it) came over. They looked from afar and asked if we had
a screw driver. When we said we didn’t their response was: “oh, ok.” And they left.
It was a bit puzzling because you’d expect them to offer to help, but no such
thing. Well, where there is creativity there is hope. And between us we managed
to muster up a pair of tweezers and with great patience, quite a lot of force,
and some fine motor skills and coordination we managed to unscrew and relocate
and screw in the bumper again. The men returned at some point and I think found
it highly entertaining to see a bunch of foreign girls busy fixing a dislocated
bumper using a pair of tweezers and the light from a smart-phone flashlight. After
about 20 minutes we were good to go, and looking back it was a good reminder
that where there is a will there is a way- even if the way has a slight
resemblance to MacGyver and requires the “sacrifice” of a new pair of tweezers.
Moments like that remind me that life is full of the unexpected- both
the funny moments, but also in the more serious. And life has a way of working
out.
I am also seeking to get better at valuing the now. To take the opportunity
to sit down for a coffee with someone, or just have a moment of sharing hearts
and not just get to know the surface but get to know some of the depth that
each person carries within themselves. And I long to be better at listening. Not
just to the words spoken but the heart the words are coming out of.
Reading back over my typed “scribbles” I realize it’s a bit random. But
I think I’ll leave it like this still. It’s a good reflection of a little bit
of this process of being and going and remembering, that I am walking in. And after
all, I write mostly for myself, and those who desire to get a glimpse into my
journey.