Most big change
usually doesn’t happen from one day to the next. Most often it has a gradual
component to it which allows our hearts and minds to come into alignment with
what is happening. Yet, even if there is plenty of time to get used to the idea
of change and transition, it still seems daunting and different. And some parts
of it you can’t know until you are in the midst of it.
I am sitting here
looking out the window of my friend’s house onto her back garden. Outside it’s
hot, inside the air conditioning creates a comfortable temperature which I am
thankful for. My time here in Kansas City is quickly drawing to an end. It’s
been so good. It’s been such a gift to in a sense press the “pause” button on
decisions and plans and transitions, and just be.
Only that. “Be”.
Not easy when the past
years have been so hectic, involving running hard all the time. It has taken
some time to wind down. It’s amazing how the body seems to store up physical exhaustion
which when stopping causes you to sleep more than before. And yet, what a gift
to have time and space to do so. It’s amazing how the mind needs time to stop
racing and enter into a mode of not being so busy with solving the world’s
problems. It’s interesting how light it feels to not carry the “weight of the
world” on my shoulders.
It’s been a good
month.
What a gift to have
time to process, think, and pray through the past years without accumulating
new experiences in need of processing at the same time. What a gift to have
time to look at my life and my story as I enter into a new chapter.
Big transition. After
16 years in ministry stepping out of that and into the marketplace.
I’ve been thinking
about that a lot. What will it be like to have a job that isn’t ministry? What
will it be like to live in an apartment on my own? What will it be like to
again live in Norway? It feels like moving home, yet at the same time moving
somewhere new.
Moving back to
something familiar, yet moving back changed. The years in missions have changed
me. Time has changed me. And so the challenge of moving home is being aware
that although it is familiar, it’s still starting over. It’s still in some
senses starting with a clean slate and building a life there. Exciting? Yes.
Daunting? Sure. Scary? Absolutely. And yet in the midst of this huge unknown, I
have such peace.
Peace that passes
understanding. Peace that tells me it’s going to be fine. Peace that reassures
me that “this is the way, walk in it”. Peace in knowing that although I am
stepping out of ministry, I am not stepping out of my walk with God. He is with
me and will direct my steps as I walk into this new season.
I sit here with
anticipation of good things. The Bible says “delight yourself in the Lord and
He will give you the desires of your heart.” There are good things ahead. And I
hope that even if my circumstances are shifting, that I can continue to “see”
those who are in need around me and love them well. You don’t have to be in
ministry to make a difference.
Two more weeks here in
Kansas City. Feeling so rich as I have had time to share with so many dear
friends. I love that time doesn’t always distance you from someone’s heart. It’s
been so refreshing to share joys and challenges with others on journeys similar
yet vastly different from mine. I have only a little more time to take in
everything that I can from here and then I head home. Not just to where I grew
up, but home to Norway where I will now live. It’s going to be a good season.
Transition is
happening and I am ready. Ready to embrace what lies ahead while carrying with
me the treasures I have encountered in this last season. And I hope to continue
to blog in the process... it is a journey, and it’s my journey of walking my
path through this thing called life.