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Next month I move.

I had a great time in Wisconsin. Saw a lake, ate cheese, spoke Portuguese, and ate lots and lots of delicious authentic Brazilian food. It doesn’t get much better than that. It was so good to spend time with my friend and her family and experience life away from the IHOP bubble. It went quickly and now I’m back in KC.

On Monday it was 6 weeks till I get on the plane and fly home. I decided on Monday that I really want to make every day count and that each day I would do something that I appreciate to make it a good day and be grateful for the time I’ve been here at IHOP. Not necessarily a huge thing, but just something purposefully to make it a day that counts. One day it was drinking hot cocoa, another it was hanging out with my friend. Today it’ll be eating Tamales (some Mexican dish I’ve never had)

I’m feeling a bit stressed and worried today. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, but it just hit me again that I’m leaving and then I started pondering the future (in my own understanding) and just the many unknowns that are in the months ahead.

What about money (although I know God is and will continue to provide however it looks)? What about ministry or work (even if I know that God is preparing good works for me to do even now)? What about my stuff that I want to take with me to Norway (even if a friend from Holland said she could take a bag of stuff for me which is a huge blessing)? And what about the stuff I don’t want to take- do I sell it, give it away, put it in the trash (although it’s only stuff and it doesn’t really matter anyway)? What about saying bye to people and making sure I have time for people even with so little time left (and Holy Spirit is the perfect schedule maker so it will work out)? What about figuring out the practicalities of visiting other friends once I do get home (it always worked out before)?

And then adding to all of that (that was only a sample of my worries...I am a good worrier, unfortunately, some days are better then others) feeling so alone and burdened with everything. I wonder how I can eliminate my worries; give them to Jesus, not just in words, but from my heart so that they’re not there anymore. How do I really give Him my heavy burden and receive His light burden?

I’m not quite sure how it all works. Maybe it’s part of transition...I am sure it is. I think I just have to let this wave wash over me and know that this too shall pass. And press into Jesus.

I went and got communion. And then I was thinking about Jesus and the point of His life at the last supper. And how He can relate to where I’m at. He also faced unknowns as He walked (even if He knew all things because He was fully God, He still have to live fully as a man...I don’t quite know how it all adds up, but I believe He knows my life). On the cross He had to leave everyone He loved to do what He came to do and take on our death so we can live. So even if this that I am going through could never even come close to what He suffered, I know He understands. And that is comforting.

And then I was thinking that He died so that I could have fullness of life and really live...not just when everything is exactly right, but always. And worrying isn’t living...worrying isn’t part of who God is. And so I want to lay down worry and pick up life. And walk in life and be alive. And trust that each step I take, I am not walking alone and that in every situation God will bring the provision, wisdom, time, and love I need. And life- life in abundance!

He is my good Shepherd, and He leads me even when I don’t know where I’m going.

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