It’s been a while since I last wrote. Life has continued without huge happenings. I am settling into the “every-day” life of the base, and in myself. An every-day life which is very different from any “every-day” I’ve had before in my life. Different from Brazil of course, but also different from living at home and those years at university in Leeds (oh, so very very long ago…counting the number of years makes me feel a wee bit old, so I won’t count them…).
One thing I am learning to appreciate is going for long walks (actually I don’t go that far, but I walk for a good amount of time which I guess is what we mean when we say a “long walk”). Well, they might not be “long” for some of you, but for me going out walking for the sole purpose of walking isn’t something I really do much. For one, the years in Fortaleza kind of ruled out “going for walks” as “walking” in a crowded city centre sort of defeats the purpose when the aim of walking is to get some space and fresh air (trust me, there is no space and the air in Fortaleza is far from fresh). And secondly, in Sandnes, my home town, it rains- a lot, almost every day + I live on the top of a steep hill (which is very discouraging to walk up when you’re tired and it’s raining).
Here it’s quite different. I live literally in the middle of nowhere and fields and empty road are all around (there is even one field I walk past where there are cows lazing around looking like a commercial for Norwegian Freia milk chocolate- which is very tasty, the best in the world). I must admit that having an ipod and pulse-watch does help. Nothing like a bit of music on the ear, and a watch showing how many calories I have used walking and what my heart rate is, to motivate an indoor-person like myself. But it is nice to walk for the simple reason that there is fresh air and beautiful flowers (see photo). Now autumn has kicked in the flowers are disappearing and being replaced by the trees turning beautiful brown colours (I am getting really excited as it’s been many years since I was in a country in the autumn). Walking is good. It is good to exercise. And having that ingrown expectancy of rain, I manage to get myself out and about when the weather is nice “in case of rain tomorrow”.
So how is it really going Elisabeth (or Els) you might ask? What is it like being at an in-between-place in life; at the famous “crossroads”? Well, I’m not quite sure. Some days I just go with the flow and the day sort of goes. Other days I feel a bit rootless and restless, itching to get going on some new project and have a specific goal to work towards. At times I get a bit bored with the simplicity of the tasks I do here, yet often I catch myself being grateful that I am not set to do things which carry with them a large weight of responsibility. I know I am at the right place at the right time, but I don’t always know the specific purpose for which I am here. Confused? Join the club.
Yesterday I was really tired and feeling quite rough (as we so nicely put it in England). I had a free day and decided to have a cream tea for lunch with one of my friends, Eilen, here. We sort of ended up inviting our whole house to this cream tea (and everyone wanted to come which was lovely)- and so the impulsive idea grew into a bit of a bigger task than expected. Instead of making half a batch of scones, I ended up doubling the recipe to have sufficient for everyone (a perfect amount with a lonely half a scone left over which another friend Vicky had pity on and ate after a bit of pressure). It was a lovely cream tea and very tasty, especially accompanied by a nice cup of….exactly: Earl Grey tea.
After the excitement and completion of the scrumptious cream tea I decided to have a lie-down, and ended up sleeping for almost 3 hours…not like me at all! Woke up feeling quite dazed and after managing to muster up motivation I set out on my daily walk (the sky was clear and I was suited up with my ipod and pulse-watch). The plan wasn’t to walk too far (I was still not quite well), but I ended up walking for an hour and a half. There were so many things to think about and get sorted in my head, and it was lovely to be away from people (some of you might think I’m an extravert, but I am actually an introvert and hence need time alone to re-charge). Looking back over the past days they have been filled with one social event after the other (now this might sound a bit presumptuous, but by “social event” I mean occasion where I was being sociable with a large group of people). And so it wasn’t surprising that I was feeling a tad peopled-out.
Arriving back at HybelHuset the other girls were on their way off to watch the exciting European Championship qualifier between Norway and Greece in the café; a match promising to be a nail-biter with a great atmosphere (the match ended 2-2 for the especially interested, I have no clue how that leaves Norway in the whole qualifying business). I decided to chill a bit in a quiet and empty house instead of facing the masses. Sitting in my room having a quiet moment I chatted through with God how overwhelmed and also a bit trapped I have come to feel by little things. Sitting there I felt warm tears begin to flow down my face. Tired and overwhelmed the tears just came. I don’t quite know why I needed to cry, but I just did. And I felt like I was in a place where I could let go. Many tears weren’t cried when they needed to be cried over the years, so maybe I’m catching up on un-cried tears if there is such a thing. I don’t know, I simply know that things are a bit heavy and that small simple things are ending up being a bit much.
This morning the mission-office led the staff prayer meeting and we got an overview over the 100 missionaries sent out into the world by YWAM Norway. It was so encouraging and it made me really excited. Then they prayed for those of us who had ended our time in the field, and I felt so embraced and cared for and loved by the people here. It felt so ok to not know where the road goes next. It felt ok to be at the crossroads without direction. And it felt ok to just be. And that is what I need to remember when things overwhelm me. God is with me and being is enough. That might not make sense to you, but it does to me, and it is after all mostly for myself that I keep on writing. Writing as a way of processing, and writing so I don’t forget because I know that the mountains before me now will in a while be behind me as I walk forward into what the future holds.
One thing I am learning to appreciate is going for long walks (actually I don’t go that far, but I walk for a good amount of time which I guess is what we mean when we say a “long walk”). Well, they might not be “long” for some of you, but for me going out walking for the sole purpose of walking isn’t something I really do much. For one, the years in Fortaleza kind of ruled out “going for walks” as “walking” in a crowded city centre sort of defeats the purpose when the aim of walking is to get some space and fresh air (trust me, there is no space and the air in Fortaleza is far from fresh). And secondly, in Sandnes, my home town, it rains- a lot, almost every day + I live on the top of a steep hill (which is very discouraging to walk up when you’re tired and it’s raining).
Here it’s quite different. I live literally in the middle of nowhere and fields and empty road are all around (there is even one field I walk past where there are cows lazing around looking like a commercial for Norwegian Freia milk chocolate- which is very tasty, the best in the world). I must admit that having an ipod and pulse-watch does help. Nothing like a bit of music on the ear, and a watch showing how many calories I have used walking and what my heart rate is, to motivate an indoor-person like myself. But it is nice to walk for the simple reason that there is fresh air and beautiful flowers (see photo). Now autumn has kicked in the flowers are disappearing and being replaced by the trees turning beautiful brown colours (I am getting really excited as it’s been many years since I was in a country in the autumn). Walking is good. It is good to exercise. And having that ingrown expectancy of rain, I manage to get myself out and about when the weather is nice “in case of rain tomorrow”.
So how is it really going Elisabeth (or Els) you might ask? What is it like being at an in-between-place in life; at the famous “crossroads”? Well, I’m not quite sure. Some days I just go with the flow and the day sort of goes. Other days I feel a bit rootless and restless, itching to get going on some new project and have a specific goal to work towards. At times I get a bit bored with the simplicity of the tasks I do here, yet often I catch myself being grateful that I am not set to do things which carry with them a large weight of responsibility. I know I am at the right place at the right time, but I don’t always know the specific purpose for which I am here. Confused? Join the club.
Yesterday I was really tired and feeling quite rough (as we so nicely put it in England). I had a free day and decided to have a cream tea for lunch with one of my friends, Eilen, here. We sort of ended up inviting our whole house to this cream tea (and everyone wanted to come which was lovely)- and so the impulsive idea grew into a bit of a bigger task than expected. Instead of making half a batch of scones, I ended up doubling the recipe to have sufficient for everyone (a perfect amount with a lonely half a scone left over which another friend Vicky had pity on and ate after a bit of pressure). It was a lovely cream tea and very tasty, especially accompanied by a nice cup of….exactly: Earl Grey tea.
After the excitement and completion of the scrumptious cream tea I decided to have a lie-down, and ended up sleeping for almost 3 hours…not like me at all! Woke up feeling quite dazed and after managing to muster up motivation I set out on my daily walk (the sky was clear and I was suited up with my ipod and pulse-watch). The plan wasn’t to walk too far (I was still not quite well), but I ended up walking for an hour and a half. There were so many things to think about and get sorted in my head, and it was lovely to be away from people (some of you might think I’m an extravert, but I am actually an introvert and hence need time alone to re-charge). Looking back over the past days they have been filled with one social event after the other (now this might sound a bit presumptuous, but by “social event” I mean occasion where I was being sociable with a large group of people). And so it wasn’t surprising that I was feeling a tad peopled-out.
Arriving back at HybelHuset the other girls were on their way off to watch the exciting European Championship qualifier between Norway and Greece in the café; a match promising to be a nail-biter with a great atmosphere (the match ended 2-2 for the especially interested, I have no clue how that leaves Norway in the whole qualifying business). I decided to chill a bit in a quiet and empty house instead of facing the masses. Sitting in my room having a quiet moment I chatted through with God how overwhelmed and also a bit trapped I have come to feel by little things. Sitting there I felt warm tears begin to flow down my face. Tired and overwhelmed the tears just came. I don’t quite know why I needed to cry, but I just did. And I felt like I was in a place where I could let go. Many tears weren’t cried when they needed to be cried over the years, so maybe I’m catching up on un-cried tears if there is such a thing. I don’t know, I simply know that things are a bit heavy and that small simple things are ending up being a bit much.
This morning the mission-office led the staff prayer meeting and we got an overview over the 100 missionaries sent out into the world by YWAM Norway. It was so encouraging and it made me really excited. Then they prayed for those of us who had ended our time in the field, and I felt so embraced and cared for and loved by the people here. It felt so ok to not know where the road goes next. It felt ok to be at the crossroads without direction. And it felt ok to just be. And that is what I need to remember when things overwhelm me. God is with me and being is enough. That might not make sense to you, but it does to me, and it is after all mostly for myself that I keep on writing. Writing as a way of processing, and writing so I don’t forget because I know that the mountains before me now will in a while be behind me as I walk forward into what the future holds.