It’s almost midnight. I’m packed and ready for my 10-day trip to Kansas City. My suitcase is half-full, so plenty of room for bringing back presents. Actually, it feels strange to have a half-full suitcase; I’m so used to packing and re-packing to meet weight and amount limitations. I wasn’t really stressed about going off on this trip. Mostly I was just excited, but now I’m not so sure. No reason other than that it doesn’t feel like a short trip. For me a long-haul flight means Brazil. It usually means heading off for another long period of time, and it usually means setting off to face numerous difficult situations and challenges head-on. But it’s all good. This is not a trip like that. It’s a trip where I hope to meet with God. It’s a trip where I am travelling with a group rather than alone. It’s a trip where everything has been prepared for me and I just have to go along and “enjoy the ride”. I am looking forward to it, and I wish we were on our way already. However, we leave in 4 hours, so maybe I should try to get at least a bit of sleep…
This evening feelings of weariness flood my soul. Weary of not knowing. Weary of choosing to trust. Weary of waiting. Weary of walking yet not knowing what I am walking in or towards. Weary of figuring out life on my own. This past month the reality of crossroads in life has hit me yet again. I knew it was coming, but suddenly it was there and I just had to go with it. There’s not much more I can do...except waiting and trusting and choosing. Choosing to let God be the One who guides and fights and prepares the path before me. My crossroads is “do I stay or do I go”? From Kansas City and IHOP-KC. In October I’ll have been here two years, which feels like 5 years and at the same time 6 months. In December I go home for Christmas. It’ll have been a year since last time and I’ll be seeing my niece who’ll be 3 instead of 2 years old, and my little nephew who will be 1 year already, and I’ll get to meet little Julie who is only three weeks old as I write this. She’ll be 4 months when I meet...