Today I've been really really tired all day. I guess it's part of life and also part of getting ready to leave. Today I dragged myself out of bed, and had a cup of tea to get going. And when the mum we were taking to see her son in prison wasn't in, the morning went doing bits and pieces. This afternoon we were at the bussterminal to see the streetkids. It was a good time I guess, but the group of kids there at the moment are really just so lost. Totally drugged, dirty, and don't really care about anything. It's like they've lost all innocence. When I got back I looked through a few past reports getting them ready to do the monthly overview of the kids we've met this month. I felt really sad. One kid said her dream was that her mum would stop drinking, another girl told of a stepfather who molested her and her sisters, and another boy told of how his dad would hit his sister. And I am left with the question of: where is the hope and future for these kids? Some of them I have known for many years, and now I am leaving, and they are still on the streets. I mean, I am a firm believer in that we probably rarely will see all the results of what we've done, but I still wonder... what will become of them? And then I remember the boys on the farm. And that gives me hope and makes me smile.
This evening feelings of weariness flood my soul. Weary of not knowing. Weary of choosing to trust. Weary of waiting. Weary of walking yet not knowing what I am walking in or towards. Weary of figuring out life on my own. This past month the reality of crossroads in life has hit me yet again. I knew it was coming, but suddenly it was there and I just had to go with it. There’s not much more I can do...except waiting and trusting and choosing. Choosing to let God be the One who guides and fights and prepares the path before me. My crossroads is “do I stay or do I go”? From Kansas City and IHOP-KC. In October I’ll have been here two years, which feels like 5 years and at the same time 6 months. In December I go home for Christmas. It’ll have been a year since last time and I’ll be seeing my niece who’ll be 3 instead of 2 years old, and my little nephew who will be 1 year already, and I’ll get to meet little Julie who is only three weeks old as I write this. She’ll be 4 months when I meet...