Today I've been really really tired all day. I guess it's part of life and also part of getting ready to leave. Today I dragged myself out of bed, and had a cup of tea to get going. And when the mum we were taking to see her son in prison wasn't in, the morning went doing bits and pieces. This afternoon we were at the bussterminal to see the streetkids. It was a good time I guess, but the group of kids there at the moment are really just so lost. Totally drugged, dirty, and don't really care about anything. It's like they've lost all innocence. When I got back I looked through a few past reports getting them ready to do the monthly overview of the kids we've met this month. I felt really sad. One kid said her dream was that her mum would stop drinking, another girl told of a stepfather who molested her and her sisters, and another boy told of how his dad would hit his sister. And I am left with the question of: where is the hope and future for these kids? Some of them I have known for many years, and now I am leaving, and they are still on the streets. I mean, I am a firm believer in that we probably rarely will see all the results of what we've done, but I still wonder... what will become of them? And then I remember the boys on the farm. And that gives me hope and makes me smile.
“Where can I find life?” has been a question I have asked myself a lot recently (but really for years). And really the deeper question is: “What is life, and what does it look like?” I guess the simple answer is whatever makes you feel alive on the inside; that brings a smile to your face; and that gives you energy and increases your capacity. There are so many side-effects of burn-out; or maybe they are rather causes of burn-out, which when combined become a huge mountain that can topple even the strongest of people. But once you have been depleted of your capacity to stand in the face of the challenges around you, one of the things that can help increase your energy and capacity is finding pockets of life. (And of course a lot of other things like rest, exercise, patience when the process is slow, setting boundaries etc. but that’s for another blogpost). The past months I’ve been watching and searching and paying attention. Searching for choices that will bring life, and paying att