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Nearing the end and trying to wrap things up.

I had great aspirations of writing through the leaving process similar to when I left Fortaleza, but it just hasn’t happened. Time has gone by really quickly, yet there have been moments of feeling like it’s been slow motion. It’s the strange dynamic of transition which I’ll never get used to.

I think I’ve known and realised that I’m actually leaving for good, not just on holiday, but really moving for a while. I started “packing” on Sunday...4 bags and a box lighter and later, I am still having to choose things to get rid off to accommodate the 2 bags of 50 pounds each limit I have on the plane. Plus my hand luggage of course, which I have a strong suspicion will be a tad heavier and fuller than usual.

Reality has started to hit home...yesterday as I sat in the prayer room I was flooded with emotion. It is sad to be leaving. Yes, there is excitement that there’s something new ahead, but right now it’s quite sad. And that’s ok. And on top of the managing the emotions of leaving, there’s also the practicalities that have to be done. Today I’ve spent most of my day waiting for the guy buying my car... and now things are rescheduled till tomorrow. And I just feel overwhelmed. It’s been hard to figure out how things work here (and I still don’t understand a lot of things), but there’s also the fact that things take time. And you can’t rely on people doing things when they say they will. And it stresses me out. Even if part of me wants to be “calm and unfazed”, right now I’m not. But tomorrow it is, and it means there’ll be last minute stuff to do on Monday I had hoped to avoid, and I don’t even know if I’ll get it done. So much to think about and remember. Part of me wants to get this leaving thing done right, the other part just thinks “oh well, I’m doing my best...” It’s not easy moving, let alone moving countries.

That’s a glimpse of transition and moving for you.

It’s never easy to do this process alone, and it has a way of bringing up all my insecurities and pushes all my buttons.

Oh well, I’m going to go make myself a cup of Earl Grey now and try to calm down and have a good evening at Hope City, and hopefully not dwell on how everything is going to come together before I leave, which is still Monday.

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