“So we have Bible study tomorrow, right?!” We were prayer waking and I saw several women in the windows who are more than “women in the windows”. Some have become sisters in Christ whose journeys I have been a small part of.
My “organized” plan of a smooth and gradual transition out of Lighthouse
activities and focusing on Shine preparation isn’t really working. When someone
wants more of God, that is when I decide that teaching prep and emails can
surely wait. People are more important, and these girls are so important to God
and to me.
Smooth transition. I think my conclusion is that there is nothing smooth
about transition. It’s rough and hard, but also a reminder of the richness of
relationship, yet that richness making the leaving even more painful.
Emotional. It’s been an emotional week. Prayer walking and Bible study
and outreach. Coming alive as I interact with the women and realizing how much
of my heart I have invested in them. Finding it so hard to explain to some of
them that I am leaving. Soon to Brazil; later for good. Precious moment of
hearing dreams and plans. Desires to be a testimony when the “window” season of
their life is over. Hearing their hunger to follow Him. Not follow a religion,
but the person of Jesus and testify about His goodness. And releasing them into
the capable hands of Jesus who is the best Shepherd.
Packing up my things. Slowly downsizing and realizing that yet again
what I have made my home is soon not to be, and I will again be kind of a nomad
living out of a suitcase. Longing for the next place I “land” to be for longer.
The richness of friendship. Wishing I had more time. More time to have
coffee with good friends here and share deeply. Today I went to “Bagels &
Beans” with a dear friend and it was such a rich time of sharing our journeys
and of what we are hoping for the time ahead as we keep walking with God.
Searching for peace. Feeling pulled in so many directions and having too
many focuses. Feeling like I don’t have time to even stop and settle into that
peace, when the reality is that I don’t have time to not stop and get settled
into it.
My thoughts and emotions are all over the place and I remind myself that
this is transition. That the best way to deal with it all is not trying to
organize or understand it, but just walk through it. And seek to walk from the
place of peace, focusing on Jesus who will never change and will continue to be
who He is, just like He was before this season and will be in the next one.
And so I blog... trying to process a little of this crazy journey. Not
always making much sense, but hoping that as I write I can see clearer, and
that I can look back and see His faithfulness along the way.
And at the end of the day, with all the ups and downs, being thankful,
because loving people makes me so rich and this place holds many whom I love
deeply and will keep carrying in my heart.