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When your heart feels a little bit like your room.

With my room cleaned and tidy, apart from “almost-packed” suitcases and bags scattered around, reality sinks in just a little deeper. This beautiful room which has been my home the past two years will become someone else’s home. I look at the furniture and remember God’s amazing provision and goodness when I moved into this city.

The “lasts” of transition are quickly accumulating in number- yesterday morning I did my “last” BodyCombat class at the gym (including a really hard interval training at the end which I am still feeling the effects of- and for sure will feel for a few days)...wondering if I’ll find another place to do my favourite class in the future. And then this morning it was my last YWAM meeting for a while- which was so lovely. More people I will miss.

Today I also did a “first”. Having bought a new laptop a year and a half ago, I never got round to disposing of the old, dead laptop. And tidying revealed this factor. In Norway any electrical shop will take your broken stuff and recycle it, but here it’s not that simple. To find out what to do I messaged my friend who is in Venezuela, who in turn messaged someone here in Amsterdam, and so I found where I needed to go. After my last Monday tea meeting with Marleen (meetings are so much more enjoyable when done in a cafe), I bundled up in my thick winter coat, scarf and mittens, and set off on my bike headed to the Avfalpunt. Googlemaps said it was a 10 minute bike ride, and I thought that was quite doable.

Biking out of the city was a bit of an adventure, and I was grateful for the gps/maplocation thingy on my phone to keep me on track amidst road works and re-routing. But without really any drama I found the place and strolled in. A friendly man politely showed me to the container for “household electrics” and I put my “baby acer laptop” to its final resting place. It was a real victory as I was a little nervous if I’d manage to figure it all out. Not a nervousness out of thinking that I wouldn’t, but just the unknown and feeling like a Norwegian in Holland. Who would think I’d have a wee bit of culture shock on the day before I head to Brazil.

Sitting here in my living room eating a lunch of re-heated Indonesian chicken with thin noodles I find my heart is a little bit like my room. Parts I feel like I’ve packed up and am ready to take with me, other part will be left here to be pondered and processed when I get back from Brazil, and other parts I’m not quite sure what to do with.

I find that when I travel I always underestimate the amount of stuff I want to take with me, and so I end up having to evaluate the importance of things and prioritize. And I guess that’s a little bit what I need to do with my heart right now. I can’t feel and carry everyone and everything from everywhere. I only have so much capacity. I’ve decided to give up on stress and worry- it takes up too much space which I want to fill with other things (read: this is my desire, but I’m not walking in it yet).

It’s interesting how my heart and mind switches so easily between the now and the ahead. I was shopping a few things to bring with me, and my focus was really anticipating the reality I’ll be stepping into and living in when I arrive tomorrow evenings. And then I come home and think about my coffee date with one of the women and suddenly my heart is here again. I feel so privileged to know this woman. She was one of the ones I would visit in the windows, but now, after knowing her for over a year, I can truly say she’s become a friend and a sister. One of those I will carry with me in my heart and will miss a lot.


So as I slowly get through my “to-do” list, or rather “scraps of paper with the things I don’t want to forget”, I want to try to also set my heart for what lies ahead. I want to go to bed tonight with a sense of leaving well and being ready for what God has in Brazil with Shine. I want to focus on the God who is so able and who is always with me. And I want to anticipate joy, because His joy is my strength, always!

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