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Goodbye Amsterdam; Going Home.

Finding home. To some it’s the clearest thing in the world: “home is of course where you live”. But is it really? Is it a physical place or a state of the heart? Does it have to do with location only or people as well? The term “home” easily becomes something not so straightforward when locations, places, people, and heart-connections have changed numerous times. It leaves you feeling like a little bit of your heart remains in every place where you lived; every place where you made your “home” for a season. And I think you can have many “homes”, yet there has to be one place where you’re settled, whether it’s just for a season or forever.

Uprooting and moving is so much more than the physical relocating of oneself and ones belongings. It's like when you pull something from one place to another, it leaves a mark, and moving leaves a mark on those who go through the process. And sometimes it can take a while to actually “move”.

Being back in Amsterdam this week was so good. A place which was “home” a year ago, which now is not. And somehow it felt like although I and my things moved at the end of April last year, my heart caught up with it this week. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t in a “I-am-so-glad-I-am-done-with-Amsterdam” way. It was such a good week where I felt so loved and embraced by dear friends, but it really felt like a visit. Visiting some friends still in the “windows” was so precious, yet I didn’t feel the sadness of not working with the women there anymore. It was good, but it felt like what it was: a visit. And I felt like a guest. A very welcomed guest, but a guest nonetheless.

Amsterdam will always be in my heart, and I hope I will always have people to go back to visit there, but now I am home. Home in Norway with my heart able to fully embrace that this is where I am settling. Released from the things that gave me life before, so that I can find new things here to fill my time and heart.

So maybe this marks the end of transition... or maybe not. Life is a journey whatever season we find ourselves in. But what I do know is that even if I don’t know what it will look like or even if there will be any visible changes, there has been a shift in my heart and it feels good. Good to be Home.

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