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"But you can't leave us!"

Today I've heard this phrase so many times, I don't know how to respond anymore. Today we were in two prisons, and in the first one the coordinator for the education part sat me down to voice his concerns as to what would happen once I'd left. He was very encouraging and shared of how the boys really take in what we share. It was nice to hear. And I somehow tried to calm his concern by saying that even if I leave, I believe God has put the prisons on our hearts and that we would be doing whatever our capacity people-wise would allow.

Then in the afternoon we went to CECAL where the 18-21 year olds are. I saw 5 boys I've known for many many years. Boys who were a part of the "open house" oh, so many years ago, and some who lived on the farm with us; boys who still feel part of "Casa de Meu Pai". They were asking why we hadn't visited them, and couldn't we visit them because no-one visits them. I tried to tell them that I wasn't going to promise something I didn't know if I could keep.
When I told them I'm leaving for good in a few weeks, the response was "and when are you coming back?" As I responded that I'm not coming back the expressions on their faces were expressions of not quite managing to grasp the fact that I'm not coming back. I love these boys so much and knowing that I might not see them again, ever, breaks my heart. I might try to go there one last time before I leave, just to say goodbye.

And then to end the nice little pattern of the day, as I got back to the project I was waiting for the rest of the group to come when someone knocks on the gate. I open it and two of our little blessings from our discipleship group are there. I gave them some water, and one of them asked again if it was true that I'm leaving. Again I said, that yes, I am leaving; to which his response was a dismayed: "but who is going to take care of us them???". I mentioned the various people who would still be here, but he didn't seem completely convinced. As it was getting late, I assured him that on Saturday I would still be here, and they both thanked me for the water, gave me a hug, and were on their way.

It feels sad to be leaving, and it's not easy constantly being reminded of this fact. But then it is also nice to know that I have managed to build deep relationships here. And I guess, it being hard and sad to leave all these precious people, means that I really love them and that they receive that love.

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