Tuesday 6 September 2011
It’s amazing how addicted I’ve become to internet. Or maybe “addicted” isn’t really the right word, I guess “dependent” is a better way to express my connection to the internet. We’ve been without internet access for a week now. Well, we might have had access Wednesday and Thursday, but those days I was out from early morning till late at night. It’s quite frustrating. Makes me feel cut off from the world, and I think what is most frustrating is how I feel cut off from communicating with friends and family. I’d marked several chats on skype this week, and obviously I didn’t have them... I wasn’t even able to let the people know.
My only access this past week was on Friday when I had a quick check of my emails at an internet cafe. It was a surreal experience to be sat at a computer with the clock counting down how much time I had left and trying to type as quickly as possible on an unfamiliar keyboard. It brought back memories from when internet cafe was the way to go. I remember a little over 10 years ago when I arrived here and was responsible for the communication for the project. We didn’t have internet at the house, well, actually we didn’t even have a phone and would have people call the payphone on the street and the neighbours call us to come down from the second floor... things have changed since then (yes, we didn’t even have cell phones, although I think one of the our staff got one soon after that which was a great blessing, and we did get a phone eventually). Anyways, in those days the way to connect to the outside world was made possible by taking a bus for 25 minutes to one of the few internet cafes in the city (today there are “lan houses” on every corner and in every slum) and hope for a decent connection (dial-up was how we connected then) and hope that it wouldn’t disconnect while I was in the middle of something. But even so, I didn’t know any different and thinking back makes me grateful that things have progressed. Even if right now I am not seeing it.
So I’m on an internet fast. Although, can you call it a fast if it isn’t voluntary? I am really hoping it gets sorted today. But we’ll see and I have come to a point of “acceptance”- there’s nothing I can do about it anyway....
But in the midst of this frustration (which is only a frustration when I let it be) it’s been a good week. Very busy and full, but really good. My highlight was Thursday when I went to two youth prisons. So different from last week when it was good, but heavy.
The first prison we went to was Dom Bosco. I have such a good relationship with the staff there and they still remember me which is lovely. We ministered to one of the cell blocks and had maybe a group of 15-20 lads. They were so attentive and listened with such a hunger for hope in their eyes. One in particular just had such desperation in his eyes and a “is it really true what is being said? Is there really hope for me?” At the end he and 2 other lads gave their lives to Jesus. It was powerful because you could tell it was from the heart. It’s not “cool” to stand up in front of the rest of the group and declare you want to become a Christian, an definitely not the “cool” thing to do if you’re a teenager in prison. But these boys did and I am praying that their lives become transformed with the life of Jesus.
It was lunchtime and so we drove around to find a cheap place to eat. We ended up at a “churrascaria” which is a Brazilian BBQ place. Some of them are amazing, this was an ok one. I was with three guys so I felt quite blond and female, but it was a fun experience. I had the “PF” which means “prato feito” and is the ready made plate. I had baiāo de dois (rice with beans mixes together), spaghetti, salad and a piece of chicken and a sausage. It was a large plate! But I managed to eat about half of it and it was really cheap too. A good lunch. We washed it down with some Guaraná Antârctica (Brazilian fizzy drink) which was just perfect. Then we had to “resolve some things” which I guess is the same making some errands. I went along for the ride, not that there was another option. At one point we stopped in front of a little snack bar and I had a very sweet cup of coffee with milk and a “Serenata de Amor” which is a yummy chocolate filled with a cashew nut chocolate truffle filling. Delicious (and yes, I do get quite focused on the food here because there are so many amazing foods to experience and eat).
The second prison was Sāo Miguel. Also familiar territory. Thursday was a sports day where the families of the boys were also invited. As we came in I was moved to tears by seeing sons and mothers embracing each other- some crying some just sitting. My heart was so moved I struggled to not cry (some tears did escape and I quickly wiped them away). I was moved by the parents and sons, but also knowing the disappointment the boys who didn’t have their mothers or fathers there must have felt. We stayed for a little while with the programme. Heard a small choir of boys singing about Jesus being their master, some crying- maybe because the truth of what they were singing moved them or maybe because they were moved by their mothers being there to hear them sing. I don’t know, I just know it was powerful.
After a little while we left the programme and headed to lock-up which is where the boys who are banned from the activities are. When we started the day one of the guys on the team mentioned something like: “we’re going to the lock up which is where the boys are the ones who have killed, raped and committed really serious crimes”. At the time I felt a little twinge of worry which surprised me because I love the prisons and I wondered if it was worse than when I used to work there. Anyways, I quickly prayed for my heart and the “fear” left. When we entered “lock-up” my heart was flooded with love. It is true that love casts out all fear. We encountered about 12 lads sat on the concrete bench waiting for us. They were so well behaved and attentive and engaged it was a joy to be with them. When we were going to worship they suggested several songs and joined in, and at the time of the message being shared, they participated and you could tell they were really listening. I am always amazed at how we can see the same person in so many different ways- to some these lads are criminals who deserve to be locked up- and it is right for them to “suffer the consequences” of their actions. But they are so much more than that. They are also someone’s son or brother; boys who have lost their way and aren’t able to find their way back.
As we gave the invitation to give their lives to Jesus, 6 of them jumped up. It was almost as if they’d just been waiting for the opportunity to embrace the hope of a life changed, true life. Another two joined with them and it was such a time of life and joy. Another two were already Christians. I spoke to one of them and we talked about hope and how Jesus hasn’t given up on him. He said that he’d already been in prison three times and believed there was no longer any hope for him. I reassured him that God accepts him and loves him and is for him. I shared about the prodigal son from the Bible who took his inheritance and wasted it and ended up feeding pigs to survive. And how when he thought about home he remembered how his dad’s servants were treated better then he was being treated and decided to return home and ask to be a servant. But that as he approached his house his dad saw him, ran to meet him, embraced him, and received him as son. I told this lad that that is what Father God is like. Time was short and there is only so much you can share in 10 minutes, but I prayed for him and hope that when he leaves he can change his life, with God’s help.
Needless to say I was quite emotionally exhausted after a day like that. In all honesty I just wanted to go home. Cry a bit, pray a bit, praise God for the victories and pray for those who are still so far from knowing Him. But time isn’t always available and as I returned all I had time for was a very quick shower and a cup of ovomaltine (chocolate milk) before heading back to the city for the night school. Still, I have been praying and processing since then and I find it such a privilege to be allowed to partner with God’s heart in this way.
A new week is here. On Sunday I shared at a Bible school run by one of the churches, this evening I’ll be sharing at the base staff meeting, and next week I get to share with the night school. Lots of stretching and depending on God to help me share what His heart is.
But it’s good. I have two months left and I’m excited to see what God has for the rest of this time (and if the internet decides to return any time soon).